#But a bad way with dealing with the problem

[drdemonprince]

Did you ever struggle with feeling guilty about transitioning, especially w/r/t transmasculinity being in some way antifeminist? I often feel like I’m committing an act of betrayal :/ Like, if I can choose on some level what position to occupy in gendered society, then is it morally defensible to move towards the oppressor position?

(Why yes, I do have anxiety and serious issues with rumination, often themed around the ways in which I am probably a bad person)

Personally, no. I never felt welcome in mainstream cis feminism. I felt strongly alienated by the gender essentialism, the exclusion of trans people, and the mix of cruelty and neglect that was lobbed at male victims of sexual assault and domestic violence.

I had been sexually victimized by women numerous times in my life, and mainstream feminism didn't seem to have anything to say about that, or any sympathy for the victims of women. Within feminist activist groups that I had some tertiary connection to, I saw trans women being excluded from events for sexual violence survivors, and observed a cis female get away with repeated acts of sexual aggression and abuse because she was a woman and a survivor, and so no one felt free to argue with her about what she "needed" in order to recover (in this case, forcing trans men to have sex with her). In these spaces my own body was commented upon, my boundaries were pushed, and a great deal of coercion and underminement was constantly going around.

I was also highly put off by the individualistic, girl-boss feminist nature of most feminist movements that I witnessed as a person growing up in the early 2000's - 2010s. In academic labs studying gender-based oppression, people spoke only against the pay gap faced by white women, never the ones faced by women of color or men of color. Critiques of white feminism were rarely if ever taken seriously. It was a gross environment to be around, and I avoided it as much as possible, honestly.

I didn't become a feminist at all, really, until after I embraced myself being trans. Once I was firmly out of the coerced "female" box, I could witness how much easier life was for me than for women. I listened to trans feminist thinkers and saw clear patterns in how transmisogyny and misogyny played out that helped me better understand things. And I felt confident enough to speak out about my status as a man who has been preyed upon by women and sexually abused by them, as well as by men, and to critique mainstream feminism for its transphobia, racism, and other problems. And because I was a man, I always got away with saying such things.

Personally I think feminist movements aren't shit if they aren't trans feminist, and while I can hardly claim to have always been enlightened on all trans feminist matters (like a lot of trans mascs, I used to long for having been "born a boy" and "having more confidence" from it, believing that male socialization was that simple, my resentment and dysphoria curdling into a pretty transmisogynistic world view even if i didnt realize it), something profoundly rotten and missing within mainstream feminist movements always kept me out of it. It was never a comfortable, safe space for me and I didn't give a shit about 'betraying' it.

[scented-morker]

Remember?

Shoutout to kiki for requesting from my Romance Untold event!! I love you mootie, I hope you like this!! exes to ?, Jake x fem!reader, 990 words, fluff.

Your friendgroup decideds to celebrate Valentine’s Day together. The only problem? You’re friends with your ex. And he doesn’t know how to act like he’s not in love with you.

Being friends with your ex was no big deal, really.

A small part of you liked to think it was the pinky promise you'd forced Jake to agree to the minute he asked you out romantically. "No matter what happens, we stay friends."

However, another, more honest part of you knew that even after a break up, Jake was just not the kind of person you could stay away from.

Which is how you ended up in this situation in the first place, a tray of heart shaped cookies in one hand, and a gift bag dangling from your fingers.

Spending Valentines Day with your friends was a much better option than spending it on the couch with a tub of ice cream mourning your newfound singleness. Now you just have to make it through a couple hours without accidentally falling back in love with Jake, no biggie.

"Yn!!" Sunoo cheers as soon as you enter the apartment, taking the tray out of your hands so you can shrug off your coat.

“About time you got here,” Sakura calls from the dining room.

A familiar voice comes next, and you hate the way your heart still reacts to it.

“You’d think after all these years you’d know yn is gonna show up fifteen minutes after what you tell her.”

You cross the threshold after kicking your shoes off, and snatch a throw pillow off Jays couch to toss at Jake.

“Easy girl,” he laughs, snatching it out of the air before it hits square in his face.

You roll your eyes and head through the living room towards the dining room where Sunoo has now set your cookies on the table with the rest of the treats your friends brought.

You greet Chaewon with a hug while she tells you about her work shift that morning.

Jay calls out for help setting the table, and the next thing you know the six of you are sat around the dining table, dishes littering the space in front of you.

A pan with steaks is being passed around, and you stare at them when it gets to you. It makes sense that Jay chose the fancy meat for the occasion, and you felt bad about how picky you were, knowing you probably wouldn’t eat most of it after cutting.

“That one’s for you,” Jake supplies helpfully from his seat next to you, picking up the tongs to grab one of the peices from the side and putting it on your plate.

He makes no further comment as he continues passing the tray.

However, once the conversation has started back up, he slides your plate closer to his own and reaches out with his knife.

“I told Jay you liked yours well done. I know you get freaked because you’re convinced it’s bleeding when you cut into it otherwise.” He says it with an airy laugh, not a care in the world as he cuts your steak into bite sized pieces.

When he’s done, he holds a piece up to your face, letting you get a look at it, cooked exactly the way you like.

You have to restrain yourself from kissing him right then and there, the fondness in his eyes and actions sending your heart into a frenzy.

“Thank you, Jake.”

He grins at you for a moment too long, his eyes boring into yours until Jay calls his name.

When you finally drag your own away from his figure, you’re met with a teasing look on Chaewon’s face.

You give her an impolite hand gesture before happily eating the rest of your meal, ignoring the way Jake’s knee bumps into yours under the table.

Soon enough, you’re spread out on the floor of the living room with a gift bag from a randomly assigned friend in front of each of you.

Everyone starts going through their bags, yelling and showing the person next to them in excitement.

From your spot on the floor, you don’t notice Jake on the couch behind you setting his bag next to him and opting to watch as you pull on pink tissue paper.

Inside is the newly released book you needed to finish your series, your favorite scent of perfume, a box of chocolate covered strawberries, and a sunflower Lego set.

Your head immediately whips towards Jake, finding him already looking at you with the biggest smile on his face.

The legos were the exact set you helped him build after your first date, when you’d gone back to his apartment after dinner and slipped into one of his flannels while he dumped the pieces all over his bed.

You reason that a hug is reasonable considering he just got you an extremely thoughtful gift, but all thoughts of justifying it to your friends disappear as soon as Jake’s arms are around you.

You lean your head into his neck, his familiar cologne surrounding you as his hands run up and down your back.

“Thank you,” you mumble into him.

“You really thought I wouldn’t remember what you like? Please, give me a little credit.”

You let out a laugh, and Jake’s skin erupts into goosebumps at the feeling.

When you finally pull away from the hug, you get hit in the face with a ball of tissue paper, and you turn to find everyone staring at the two of you.

“Ok can you open the gift that I so carefully picked out for you now?” Jay asks, and Jake finally focuses on his own gift.

His left hand falls onto your shoulder as you sit back down on the floor in front of him, and you don’t make any attempt to move it.

When he gives Jay a hug for his gift, Sakura leans in to whisper in your ear.

“Why’d you two break up again?”

You flush red and swat at her, but as Jake’s hand returns to its spot on your shoulder you find yourself wondering the same thing.

[kaiyunsim]

guilty—

pairing : best friend!ni-ki x male!reader

summary : you invite ni-ki over and things get kinda hot inside…

warnings : fluff, maybe slightly suggestive, idk ni-ki is shirtless, based on guilty performance

a/n : i WOULDVE used the guilty pics but i just saw these pics and really like them. also probably not taking requests like this anymore cuz i don’t really like writing them… (sorry)

queueing : guilty - taemin

[requested]

— wc : 2.2k — not proof read —

it's not like inviting ni-ki over is weird. you guys are friends. close ones, even. you talk all the time, send each other dumb memes, argue about the best gaming strategies, and hang out like it’s the most natural thing in the world. so this shouldn’t be a big deal.

except it is.

because having a massive, painfully obvious crush on your best friend tends to make things complicated.

when you text him to come over, it takes him all of two seconds to respond with a casual yeah, be there soon, like it’s nothing. because to him, it is nothing. but to you? it’s an hour of trying to calm your racing heart, of overthinking everything, of pacing around your room and wondering if your place is clean enough, if you should change your shirt, if you should act any different than usual (no, that would be weird, right?).

by the time the doorbell rings, you’re already a mess.

you take a deep breath, shake out your hands, and open the door like you weren’t just standing there having a crisis.

ni-ki stands on your doorstep, grinning as he swings a convenience store bag in one hand. “yo.”

“hey,” you say, proud of how normal your voice sounds.

he steps inside like he’s done a hundred times before, kicking off his shoes and heading straight to your couch. he moves so comfortably in your space, like he belongs here. which, in a way, he does. you’ve known each other long enough for this to be second nature, so you really need to pull it together.

“i brought snacks,” ni-ki says, plopping down onto the couch and digging into the bag. “oh, and these.” he tosses a pack of your favorite candy at you.

you barely catch it in time, blinking at him. “you got this for me?”

“yeah?” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “you always steal mine, so i figured i’d get you your own.”

you want to scream into a pillow. instead, you swallow and mumble, “thanks.”

“no problem.” he leans back, stretching out his long legs. “so? what’s the plan? are you finally ready to accept that i’m the better gamer?”

you scoff, grabbing the controllers. “you wish.”

the game starts, and for a while, everything is normal. you fall into your usual rhythm. trash-talking, shoving each other when one of you pulls off a cheap move, laughing whenever ni-ki yells at the screen. it’s easy, familiar, and for a second, you forget about the whole i have a ridiculous crush on my best friend thing.

but then ni-ki shifts next to you, knee knocking against yours, and just like that, you’re reminded.

you try to focus on the game, but it’s impossible when he’s sitting so close, when his fingers move effortlessly over the buttons, when his face lights up in triumph every time he wins. and god, he’s so pretty. it’s not fair.

“dude, you’re losing so bad,” ni-ki teases, nudging your shoulder. “what’s up with you today?”

“nothing,” you lie, gripping the controller tighter.

he squints at you. “you’re acting weird.”

“no, i’m not.”

“you totally are.”

“just play the game.”

he shrugs, turning his attention back to the screen, but the damage is done. you’re spiraling again, overthinking every little thing, and before you know it, you’ve lost another round.

ni-ki stretches his arms over his head with a satisfied sigh. “man, it’s getting hot in here.”

you barely register his words before he reaches for the hem of his hoodie and pulls it over his head in one swift motion. underneath, he’s wearing a plain t-shirt, but then… then he tugs that off too, leaving him in nothing but his sweatpants.

your brain short-circuits.

he doesn’t even hesitate. just tosses his shirt onto the couch like it’s no big deal. “that’s better,” he sighs, shaking out his hair.

you, on the other hand, are not better.

you are not fine.

you are actively malfunctioning.

your mouth opens and closes a few times before you manage to choke out, “what are you doing?”

ni-ki blinks at you. “taking my shirt off?”

“but why?”

he gives you a confused look. “because it’s hot?”

“you can’t just—” you gesture wildly at his very bare, very toned torso, “—do that!”

he frowns. “why not? we’re both guys.”

and logically, sure. there’s no reason for this to be a big deal. but logically, you also shouldn’t be hopelessly in love with your best friend, and yet here you are.

your face is burning. your entire body feels like it’s on fire. ni-ki is still looking at you like you’re the weird one, and you know if you stay here any longer, you’re going to say or do something humiliating.

so you do the only thing you can think of.

you run.

“i need to—uh—get something,” you stammer, practically launching yourself off the couch.

ni-ki watches in confusion as you bolt to your room, slamming the door behind you.

he stares after you for a moment, then shrugs and picks up his phone, completely unaware that you’re currently on the other side of the door, having an actual meltdown.

you press your back against the door, heart pounding like you just ran a marathon. your hands grip at your shirt, trying to ground yourself, but it does nothing to stop the sheer chaos in your brain.

ni-ki is in your living room. ni-ki, your best friend. ni-ki, shirtless.

you squeeze your eyes shut, willing yourself to calm down. it’s not like this is the first time you’ve seen him like that. you’ve been to the pool together, changed in locker rooms after practice, but something about this is different. maybe because it’s just the two of you, in the privacy of your room, where your stupid, hopeless crush feels ten times heavier.

you shake your head aggressively. get it together. he’s just a guy. a guy who doesn’t even realize what he’s doing to you.

outside, you hear ni-ki shift on the couch, probably wondering what the hell is wrong with you. you know you can’t stay in here forever, but the thought of going back out there, of sitting next to him while trying to act normal… it makes your face heat up all over again.

you take a deep breath, then another, pressing a hand to your chest like that’ll somehow slow down your heart rate. okay. you just need to play it cool. pretend like nothing happened. act like a normal, sane person.

with one last deep inhale, you push the door open and step out.

ni-ki is still on the couch, legs stretched out, casually scrolling through his phone. he looks up when he hears you, tilting his head. “dude, what was that?”

“what was what?” you say way too quickly.

ni-ki raises an eyebrow. “you, running away like i just said something weird.”

you force out a laugh. “i didn’t run away.”

he just stares at you. “you literally ran.”

“i—i needed to, um, check something,” you mumble, walking past him and pretending to be very interested in adjusting the snack bags on the table.

“...right.”

you can feel his eyes on you, and it takes everything in you not to combust on the spot.

“you good?” he asks after a moment, voice softer.

“yep. totally fine.” you turn back to him with what you hope is a normal expression. “let’s just keep playing.”

he doesn’t look convinced, but he shrugs, grabbing his controller again. “alright, if you say so.”

you sit down next to him—not too close, just enough that it doesn’t seem weird. ni-ki doesn’t seem to think twice about it, immediately starting the next round. but you? you can barely focus. your eyes keep betraying you, flickering to the curve of his shoulders, the toned muscles in his arms, the way his collarbones shift whenever he moves.

it’s ridiculous, really. he’s not even doing anything. he’s just existing, and it’s driving you insane.

you suck in a sharp breath, forcing yourself to look at the screen. focus. focus on the game. not on ni-ki’s stupidly perfect body.

“hey,” ni-ki says suddenly, breaking you out of your thoughts. “why are you playing so bad today?”

you blink, realizing you just drove your character straight off the track. “uh.”

he laughs, nudging your knee with his. “you’re totally off your game, man. maybe i should take my shirt off more often if it distracts you this much.”

you choke.

ni-ki looks at you, amused. “...wait. is that what this is about?”

panic. pure, unfiltered panic floods through you. “w-what? no! obviously not! why would—why would that distract me? that’s so dumb. you’re dumb.”

ni-ki squints at you, his grin growing. “oh my god. you’re flustered.”

“i am not flustered.”

“you totally are.”

“shut up.”

he laughs again, and it’s so unfair how effortlessly good he looks doing it. he leans closer, a teasing glint in his eyes. “i mean, it’s fine if you are. i am pretty good-looking.”

you want the ground to swallow you whole. “i’m going to throw you out the window.”

“uh-huh.” he smirks, and it’s infuriating. “so you don’t think i’m hot?”

your brain short-circuits for the second time that night. “what?”

“you heard me.”

“i’m not answering that.”

“so you do think i’m hot.”

“ni-ki.”

“it’s okay, i get it.” he leans back, smug. “i’d have a crush on me too.”

your soul leaves your body. he says it like a joke, like it’s nothing, like he has no idea how dangerously close he is to the truth.

you grab a pillow and smack him in the face with it.

he bursts out laughing, dodging your second attack. “okay, okay! chill!”

you groan, slumping back against the couch and covering your face with your hands. “i hate you.”

“no, you don’t.”

you peek through your fingers, glaring. he’s still grinning, completely unbothered. and, worst of all, still shirtless.

you exhale slowly, trying to gather whatever scraps of dignity you have left. “put your damn shirt back on.”

ni-ki smirks, stretching his arms behind his head like he’s enjoying this. “nah, i’m good.”

you gape at him. “what—ni-ki.”

he grins, tilting his head. “what? you were the one acting all weird about it. now i feel like keeping it off just to mess with you.”

“that’s literally the worst reason.”

“or the best.” he shrugs, completely unbothered. “besides, you never actually answered my question.”

you hesitate. “...what question?”

his smirk grows. “do you think i’m hot?”

you make a noise that’s half a groan, half a dying animal. “i’m not answering that.”

“so yes.”

“so shut up.”

he laughs, absolutely thriving off your suffering, and flops onto the couch like he has no care in the world. “guess i’ll just stay like this, then.”

you stare at him, horrified. “you’re evil.”

he grins. “and you’re flustered.”

you grab the pillow again, ready to smother him with it.

ni-ki smirks, leaning further back into the couch like he has all the time in the world.

you stare at him, exasperated. “ni-ki. put. your. shirt. back. on.”

he raises an eyebrow, clearly enjoying your suffering. “hmm. no.”

“why not?” you huff, crossing your arms.

he shrugs, completely unbothered. “kinda nice seeing you all flustered. didn’t know this was all it took.”

you groan, feeling your face heat up again. “you are the worst.”

he grins. “and yet, here you are, still staring.”

you snap your head away so fast you might get whiplash. ni-ki laughs at you, full-on cackles, and you swear you’ve never been more embarrassed in your life.

he stretches lazily, arms above his head, on purpose, you know he’s doing it on purpose now. “so,” he says, looking at you with a glint in his eyes. “you got a crush on me or something?”

your stomach drops. your breath catches in your throat.

and ni-ki? ni-ki just smirks like he already knows the answer.

you could deny it. you should deny it. but the way he’s looking at you, teasing, but also strangely expectant, makes you hesitate.

after a long pause, you exhale sharply, rubbing the back of your neck. “...maybe.”

his smirk grows. “maybe?”

you roll your eyes. “fine. yes, okay? i like you. happy now?”

he hums, tilting his head like he’s considering something. “hmm. yeah. i think i am.”

you blink. “wait—what?”

he grins, leaning forward slightly. “would’ve been nice to know earlier, you know. would’ve saved me all this effort.”

you gape at him. “effort? what effort?”

he shrugs, like it’s obvious. “the effort of making you admit it first.”

you stare at him, speechless. “you knew?”

he laughs. “not really. but i hoped.”

your brain short-circuits. “you hoped?”

he just winks, and finally—finally—grabs his shirt off the couch. “now that you’ve confessed, maybe i’ll put this back on.”

you groan, shoving a pillow in his face as he cackles. this is not how you expected today to go.

[until-the-house-shakes]

Our Little Family

Werewolf!Regulus // Wolfstar Raising young Regulus

Microfic

-

Taking care of an ten year old is hard. Taking care of your ten year old brother, whom you gained custody of because his parents disowned him due to him turning into a werewolf, was even harder.

At the ripe age of twenty one, Sirius had to care for two lycanthropic, stubborn, ill-tempered boys. One of which he hasn’t seen for nearly seven years. At first it was difficult, Regulus did not care for any help or company at all- if Sirius tried talking to him in any fashion, the kid flipped out. It was as if he saw him as a stranger or even worse, their parents.

It took a few months, a particularly bad full moon, and a ton of patience but Regulus slowly become comfortable around the married couple.

Now, Regulus has been in their lives for almost a full year, and their relationship couldn’t be better!The young werewolf was set up to go to Hogwarts this coming September, with Remus as his DADA Professor, and while Sirius was nervous to send both his boys with ‘furry problems’ off two hours away- he knew that Regulus was the safest he could ever be with Remus.

In fact, Regulus actually preferred being with Remus over Sirius. If Sirius was the professor staying at Hogwarts, there might have been a million and one problems (including a war) but Remus? Sirius has no doubts in his mind about the wellbeing of his baby brother when Remus is in charge; and this morning seals the deal completely.

**

Sirius woke up late into the night to an empty bed, which was odd, normally he was the one out of bed at the oddest hours of the night, not Remus- especially not so close to the full moon. Two days before the moon means Remus is either sleeping heavily, fucking Sirius into the mattress, or eating the entire kitchen. But the other two only happens when Sirius is awake, so it’s odd for him to not be in bed while Sirius is also in bed.

“Rem? Are you in the loo?” Sirius called out, hoping his husband will respond from their ensuite.

Moments passed. And nothing.

“Well then, guess I’m going Moony hunting.” Sirius mumbled to himself as he stumbled out bed, wearing nothing but Remus’ old sleep pants from school- which are still too big for Sirius even now. While half asleep, Sirius trudged throughout the house, starting with the kitchen, then the library, sitting room, guest bathroom, garden, balcony, and even the carport, but he couldn’t find Remus anywhere. He was starting to get a little worried as he headed to the last room in the house- Regulus’ bedroom- because he had little hope to find the werewolf there. Sure the two had a wonderful relationship, and Regulus always went to Remus to solve midnight problems, but HE always went to REMUS, not the other way around.

Of course the older man didn’t mind it at all, it warmed his heart and gave him a blissful feeling of domesticity each morning he woke up to find his eleven year old brother sandwiched in between himself and Remus, sleeping calmly when he knows for a fact he rarely ever gets a good nights rest. Regulus knew that neither men were bothered by him showing up at odd hours in the night, and asking to sleep with them, so it was very worrying to picture any reason behind why Remus is in this room and Regulus isn’t currently being cuddled into peaceful dreams in Sirius’ room.

As he walked closer to the door, the slight gravel tone to his husband’s Welsh accent became audible, “if you stretch each morning and night, Cub, the cramps get easier to deal with, and once you’re old enough for wolfsbane, that will also help tremendously.”

Oh.

That’s why Remus was in Regulus’ room for a change, the poor kid was probably in way too much pain to get out of bed, let alone walk across the house to get to his guardians.

With a guilty sigh, Sirius gently knocked on Regulus’ door and waited until a soft ‘come in’ to enter the room. The image he walked in on was maybe the sweetest thing he has ever seen; laying in the small twin sized bed, was Remus (who had part of his legs dangling off the foot of the bed) and laying smack dab on top of the giant, getting his hair played with, was a pouting Regulus.

“Hey Mon Ètoile, what’s going on? Why are you two having a party without me?” Sirius chuckled, trying his hardest to hide how much he dreaded hearing the answer. When Regulus only shrugged and hide his face further into the curve of Remus’ neck, the werewolf took it upon himself to answer, “He was in a lot of pain because of the upcoming full moon. I heard him whimpering when I got up to wee, and I smelled how distressed he was, so I came in here to check on him. I gave him some pain potion but it’s working as good on him as it does me during this time so.” Remus shrugged, twirling a small black curl around his pointer finger.

While it wasn’t the best of news, the explanation still managed to calm Sirius down quite a bit. Regulus wasn’t in any type of danger, he was just in a lot of pain. Pain they all three can handle and make better.

“Well lucky for you, I know the best remedy for pain. Worked on Moony for years! Wanna hear it?” Sirius asked as he walked close enough to the bed to sit down on the edge, close to Remus’ hip.

“… it’s not something stupid is it?” Regulus mumbled, resulting in a laugh from Remus and an exaggerated gasp from his older brother.

“No! I think you’ll actually love it. Ice cream, hot chocolate and some muggle cartoons. What do you say Mon Ètoile?” Sirius was now gently rubbing his brother’s back, trying his best to not jostle him or make any cramping worse.

“Oh that does cure a lot of pain. I think you should try it cub.” Remus agreed before placing a kiss on the top of Regulus’ head, effectively making Regulus relax more and melt Sirius’ heart.

“Fine, but I pick what we watch and I get carried down the stairs.” Before Regulus could even finish his terms, Sirius was already out of bed and in the process of picking up his brother and adjusting him to carry bridle-style. “Oh of course, can’t have the little prince move a muscle. This night is suppose to relax you, not make you work.” The older brother scoffed playfully, walking out of the room and heading towards their sitting room downstairs.

Hours passed, and neither of the three boys managed to get any sleep, but after two rounds of Hot Chocolate (followed by a round of tea), THREE rounds of ice cream, and a full season of Phineas and Ferb, the young Werewolf managed to forget about his pain and fully relax into the only two adults he ever could trust.

[pullupinarari]

I feel so cold without you [LH]

summary: Lewis' schedule has been crazy, and he can't spend much time at home. but little Grace doesn't understand why.

author's note: I am still struggling with a writer's block so I'm so sorry cause this is honestly so bad and makes no sense, but I'm trying to get my creativity flowing again so pls bear with me. this is angsty but doesn't have a destructive ending. also barely proofread

• masterlist

wc: 5530 - English is not my first language! Feedback is always appreciated

Everybody knows that Lewis’ life involves traveling a lot, to different countries, continents, all the time - that’s not new to anyone. You met him in this reality, married him with this crazy agenda, and Grace was born in the middle of what you consider to be ‘normal’ for your life beside your husband. 

As a couple, you always managed to deal with the schedules, the work trips, the races abroad. As a family, you learned how to juggle being a mum and a wife to a F1 driver, with your own work responsibilities, teaching little Grace the best you can all about why her dad has to be away so much. 

When Lewis is away for a little time, your daughter understands it. She sees her daddy racing on the television, she chants his name as if she was there in person - she knows her dad is doing what he is best at, besides being the bestest daddy ever to her.

But Grace is very, very attached to Lewis, in the exact same way that Lewis is extremely attached to his princess, and they can’t stay away from each other for long. The problem is, for the past couple of weeks, your husband hasn’t been home. 

Lewis was in Italy, preparing everything at Ferrari, and setting everything up for the day you and Grace will meet him there, at the new place that you will call ‘home’ for this new period of your life. Then, the driver had to fly with the team to Spain, to prepare for the pre-season. So, his schedule has been incredibly tight, leaving him with no chance of flying back to London, to his girls’ arms, even for just a night. 

As the weeks pass by, your daughter starts growing confused. Daddy isn’t racing on the telly, he isn’t home to play with her, so the toddler could show him how she is feeling more confident to ride her pink bike, and the only time she sees him is through a video call that he does when calling you at the end of the day. 

So, why is daddy not home to tuck Gracie into bed every night? To give her the special forehead kisses that only he knows how to do, the ones that would scare away all the monsters?

Inside the three-year-old’s brain, everything made more sense while she could see him driving his car on the television, listening to him talking on the interviews following the race, knowing for a fact that her daddy is working. And, as much as you keep telling the toddler that dad is at work, where is he working? Why can’t Grace watch him on the television now? And why can’t he come home?

It’s been too long - you know. You admit it too. But you can’t say that to your baby’s face, adding more to the exasperation living inside her confused mind. It’s already heartbreaking enough to see your daughter’s eyes growing sadder by the day, noticing how she grows quieter through the week, seeing the disappointment plastered all over her face every time you have to say ‘no’ whenever she asks ‘is daddy coming home today?’

The salty tears painting the toddler’s features when she begs her daddy to come home over the phone are enough to make yours and Lewis’ hearts sting with an indescribable pain - one that seems to never cease, no matter how hard you try to nestle her close to your chest, trying your hardest to shush her fears and insecurities, making her feel protected in the first home she ever knew - your skin. 

- You don’t love me anymore, daddy? - Grace blurts out in between sobs, her little voice sounding muffled against your skin as she hides her face on the crook of your neck. 

The words leaving her mouth were enough to make Lewis’ heart sink, making sure that question will forever be engraved in his mind, not letting him forget about this moment, about the hurt in his princess’ voice when wondering why he is not home with her.

The man is left speechless for a minute, feeling a bunch of hot tears threatening to spill from his eyes as well. It has, definitely, been too long since he got to have a moment just for his family, dedicating all his hours to his favourite girls. 

He knows exactly how Grace is feeling, because Lewis feels the exact same void fulfilling his days, desperate to have some free time so he can go back home as soon as possible. But unfortunately, everything has been too much, lately, and the driver’s schedule is not giving him a break. 

- Daddy loves you more than anything else in this world, princess, you know that… - Lewis’ trembling voice cuts his phrase short, swallowing the knot that’s stuck in the man’s throat as his daughter continues weeping on the other side of the line.  - Then come home! I miss you so much, daddy - Grace insists, her sobs growing louder as the little girl tries to understand why her dad can’t be by her side, right now. 

He wishes he could. Lewis feels every bone in his body frail at night, when he lays his head on the pillow and opens his camera roll, going back to every picture and video that reminds him of some moments when he genuinely felt happy and at peace - with Grace in his arms, with you by his side. 

Tonight, some silent tears are finally freed from his eyes, looking at all the pictures of his child in his phone, while his brain is still replaying the toddler’s harsh question that she let out over the call earlier today. 

Lewis feels this moment completely wrecking him, especially when he stops to think about all the videos you send him while he is away, updating him on every new achievement and discovery your daughter makes during the days, trying your best so your husband won’t feel like he is missing too much. 

But he is. And he knows it - especially when he realizes how fast time passes by, how tomorrow isn’t guaranteed for anyone. How does he know that tomorrow is coming? Your husband keeps waiting for it, hoping that a break will eventually arrive so he can go home, but he shouldn’t suppose that tomorrow is coming, because nothing in this world can assure him that there will be one. And that thought kills him, because while he is thinking about it, he realizes that it’s been five weeks since the last time he got to be home, tucking his daughter to bed. 

The excited, bubbly Grace you know has been missing lately, leaving room for a sad and confused toddler to show up in her place - one that holds tighter to you when you hug her, when you’re holding her in your arms, kissing her curls as her lips just show you a downhearted pout. 

As your child grows up, she finds new challenges in life, and dealing with new emotions definitely is one of them - and missing her daddy this much has been leading to a rollercoaster of questions to erupt in your baby’s creative mind. You tuck her into bed, but it’s not the same thing. Your kisses are sweet and protective, but they are not Lewis’ cuddles that make sure to create a shield around the little princess, making sure no monsters can reach her. 

Your days have been hard as well, trying your best to deal with Grace’s doubts and tantrums, hushing her as you assure her that you are right there for her, informing her that her daddy will be by the girl’s side in no time. But, in the silent darkness of the night, heavy sighs escape your figure as well, loud noises of concern erupt in your mind, questioning if you are doing a good job, if you’re being a good mum, if you’re supporting your husband the right way. But, sometimes, you also ask yourself: where do you stand, in the middle of all this?

The arms that hold Grace are the same ones that hold Lewis when he needs it the most, you being the pillar of your family, holding everything in place when a storm threatens to push your boat away from safe land. Either way, you know better than to complain, understanding how this entire situation is hard for your husband as well, sharing the same pain and apprehension when you talk to him over the phone. 

Feeling restless from so many sleepless nights, being haunted by the infinite thoughts running through his brain, the man finally managed to get a free day - just 24 hours, but enough for him to fly back home, accepting the short break if that means he can hold the light of his life in his arms for a bit, shushing away all the small weeps that leave the toddler’s figure. 

Arriving early in the morning, you are already waiting to see your husband walking through the door, with a cup of warm tea in your hand. You can’t deny that there’s a small glimpse of nervousness bubbling inside of your stomach, at the thought of finally seeing him again, praying that his presence will lighten up the mood and help your daughter feel better. 

You’re sipping on your tea when you hear the front door open. Shortly after, his shadow appears on the kitchen’s tiles, mere seconds before the man himself is in front of you - the shine in his eyes, the relieved smile cracking through his tired features is noticeable, as he immediately walks over to you. 

Once your figures meet, Lewis wraps his arms around your figure, holding you close without saying a word, sharing a deep, tight hug while kissing your shoulder lovingly from time to time. There’s a heavy sigh leaving his body, as if being home is the magic solution that helps improve all his problems, taking a huge weight off his shoulders. 

His face is glued to the crook of your neck for a while, as your fingers reach to caress his scalp. It feels like time has stopped, as if the world is not spinning anymore. Both of you are merged in a bubble of comfort and reassurance, almost making up for all the stress and agony that your parental hearts have been feeling lately. 

When your lips finally connect again - after so long, a deafening silence is created between your bodies, as if your kisses speak for the two of you. I miss you, I need you, things have been so hard without you by my side. Both of you feel the same, both of you know how hard the past weeks have been for your family. 

Breaking the kiss, your foreheads are still glued, the tips of your noses touching, wanting to feel the other as close as possible. 

- She’s still asleep? - your husband breaks the silence, asking about Grace. He has very little time to stay, and he wants to enjoy every second by his daughter’s side. Still, the man can’t help but bite his own tongue as he looks at the time: it’s 7:24 am, and he knows that his baby usually doesn’t wake up that early. 

He earns a nod from you. The little girl hasn’t had nice nights of sleep lately either, constantly waking up after having bad dreams, always begging you to cuddle her to sleep, to let her sleep by your side. To tell the truth, your heart softens every time that your daughter asks to sleep with you, loving how she helps you fight Lewis’ absence as well, you two cuddling each other so you don’t feel so alone without his bright, powerful presence around.  

- She’s on your side of the bed, though - you inform him. Last night wasn’t any different. Another nightmare, another cuddle session in your bed before the toddler falls asleep again. 

Lewis furrows his eyebrows at your words for a second, before remembering that you had already told him all about how Grace has been having more bad dreams than usual, especially since she started feeling so down, constantly asking if her dad doesn’t want to be around her anymore. 

Again, a deep sigh leaves his lips, filling the air surrounding you. The memories of everything that his daughter has been saying, make an incredibly heavy weight to form on his shoulders, hating how he has to stay away for work so much, how he hasn’t been able to give his princess all the attention she needs and deserves. 

Trying to shrug those thoughts away, the man serves himself a cup of coffee before reaching for your hand, guiding you to lay on the sofa with him, wanting to enjoy this day to the fullest - starting with a cuddle session with his wife, until it’s time for Grace to wake up. 

Having your husband’s arms wrapped around you again almost feels like a dream. Something that has felt so distant for the past weeks, that you were craving and needing so much. And now, you finally have him all to yourself, and as you rest your head on his chest, a comfortable silence strings your bodies along. No one dares to say a word, just focusing on how each other’s touch feels light yet soothing against the other’s skin, leaving kisses here and there, hugging tighter and closer. 

In the back of your head, there’s a small assumption that keeps itching you. As much as you want to believe that he is home to stay - at least for a week or so, unfortunately, you noticed how small is the bag that he brought with him when he arrived. An incredibly small one, the type that Lewis only uses when he is only away for a weekend or so. So, as much as you want to make the most of this, the cuddles, his presence, you know it’s something that it won’t last. 

It’s like Lewis can feel the tension that slowly creeps on your muscles the more you think about it, his hands rubbing your back to try and calm you down, showing that he is here, right by your side, trying to take your mind off of whatever is bothering you. 

But in reality, he too has been obsessively thinking about the time passing by, how he needs to leave again in the middle of the night, not even being able to sleep beside his wife for an entire night - wanting nothing more than to cuddle you and Grace to sleep in his chest, protecting the loves of his life. But he can’t. Not tonight. And he knows that he hasn’t told you about it yet, but it’s like he can’t find the courage in his body to do it, to drop the bomb in your face, to ruin the moment you’re having right now. So he decides to keep it to himself, for now. 

8:47 am, you and your husband are climbing up the stairs to your shared bedroom, where your daughter is still sleeping. Opening the door to her tiny figure wrapped in the sheets, her curls all over his pillow, truly is the sight that the man didn’t know he needed to heal every wound in his heart. 

Lewis doesn’t even hold back, his body moving on its own as he sits at the end of the bed, on his side of the mattress that now apparently belongs to Grace, so he can have a better view of his baby’s features. 

She looks gorgeous as ever, the most beautiful and precious thing that Lewis has ever laid his eyes on, the most important thing in the driver’s life, the owner of his entire heart, without a doubt. Some small tears tingle in his eyes as his fingers gently caress the toddler’s cheek, slowly nudging her so the girl can wake up. 

- Princess - he calls quietly, before landing a small kiss on his child’s hand. - Time to wake up. 

Slowly opening her eyes, the little girl rubs her features as she wakes up from her slumber. Her gaze immediately is glued to the figure in front of her, almost as if she is trying to make sense of reality, questioning if she is still dreaming. 

- Daddy? - Grace whispers, before some tears appear in her eyes as Lewis nods at her question, getting close so he can hold her small body close to him. 

Small cries escape the toddler’s figure, as she immediately wraps her arms around her dad’s neck, using all her strength to not let him go, scared that he might leave again if she breaks the hug. 

Lewis can’t even describe the feeling washing over him as he can finally hold his daughter safely in his arms, noticing the scent of her baby shampoo, how her skin still holds his favourite smell ever. He can only take deep breaths, kissing the top of Grace’s head countless times, trying to calm himself down so as to not break down crying while holding his baby.

It’s an emotional sight, even for you , now that you are watching your two favourite people reunite, feeling your heart beating stronger in your chest, as if it’s being refilled with love again, after so many insecurities pooling over your head lately. 

And your daughter’s cries quickly turn into an excited gasp that leaves her lips, forgetting about all the sadness that she was carrying lately - now being substituted by happiness, the genuine type, from having her father near her again.

Soon enough, the toddler is jumping on the mattress, giggling loud as she celebrates the fact that daddy is home again, and now he can have tea parties with her, she can show him how she has mastered all the techniques he has taught her about riding her pink bike, watch her favourite cartoons with her on the sofa, and do everything that the girl has been wanting to do with him while he was away. 

Lewis giggles for a moment, before feeling a weight sinking in his chest again, remembering how he can’t do any of that with his princess, because he will leave again in a few hours. 

- Daddy! Can we go see the cute ducks at the lake tomorrow? Mummy took me there the other day, and there are little ones now! You need to see them, they are sooo cute!! - Her excited tone, mixed with the puppy eyes that she is giving him, are enough to break the man’s heart. And he knows that his next words are about to break his daughter’s heart as well.

Sighing, he tries his hardest to find the right words to say it, but it’s like his brain just forgot every single one of them. 

- Daddy can’t make it tomorrow, love. - the little girl furrows her eyebrows, not really understanding what her dad is trying to say. - Are you tired from the trip back home, daddy? It’s okay, we can go the day after tomorrow. We can just stay home and have a tea party instead? - her cute smile is just making everything hurt even more for him.  - Bubs, daddy is only home for today. I have a day off work and came back to see you and mummy, but I have to leave again after you go to sleep tonight. - there it is, the words that he didn’t want to say, and the ones that no one in the room wanted to hear. 

Your head hangs low as you hear it. Deep down, you already knew it. You knew it, as soon as you saw the bag that clearly showed that he wasn’t going to stay for long, when neither of you wanted to talk about the day he had to leave you two again. And now, you know why. 

His words hit Grace like a million bricks, the poor little girl being met with reality once again as she tries her best to hold back the tears that still slide down her cheeks. 

- You don’t love me anymore! You don’t want to spend time with me anymore! - the toddler screams before running away from her dad, hiding in between the four safe, pink walls of her room. 

And again, Lewis is met with his daughter’s harsh words, that are enough to tear his entire world apart. He gets up from the bed, wanting to go meet his child again, only to be stopped by your hand, touching his chest in a silent ‘don’t’. He too can see the disappointment evident in your eyes before you break eye contact, turning your back on him as you go to your daughter’s room. 

Your husband sits on the edge of the bed again, his head in his hands as he rethinks every small decision that he has ever made, questioning why his schedule has to be so chaotic, why life can’t ease up on him a little more, so he can have some more time for his family. At this point, he doesn’t know what he can do to be better, to make things right, to make it easier for everybody, knowing for a fact that he has, above all, been failing his family lately: failing you as a husband, failing Grace as her father. 

Opening the door of your shared bedroom a little bit, he can hear his baby’s loud cries again, as you hold her close in your chest, trying your best to calm her down again - something that has become a part of your routine already. And the sounds, the mental picture of what’s happening behind Grace’s bedroom door is enough to break him, to make some tears fall from his eyes as well as he clenches his fist, absolutely hating this entire situation, cursing himself from having to leave his family so soon. 

Grace doesn’t know how to deal with these new emotions that have been erupting through her small figure lately. All she knows is that she is sad, very sad. And very confused with her dad’s agenda, not understanding why this is making her chest hurt, only making her cry out more, feeling scared with the discomfort that these newfound emotions provide her. 

Tired of hearing his princess cry while staying still in his bedroom without doing anything to help or to make it better, Lewis decides to step up, gaining the courage to walk to the toddler’s room.

Knocking on the door gently, he hopes to be met with a ‘come in’. But instead, he is met with a loud ‘I don’t want to see you!’ coming from his daughter’s mouth, hearing how you reprimand her due to the attitude she is giving him, now. There’s a desperate sigh escaping Lewis’ lips now, but still, he decides to ignore Grace’s words, walking inside the room. 

Once he does, the toddler immediately hides her face in your chest again, trying her best not to look at her dad’s face, keeping her words. 

- Grace, please look at me - Lewis asks her with a serious tone, crouching down so he is eye leveled with the kid. But still, all he gets in return is silence, and the girl only hides her face further into the crook of your neck. 

Rubbing his features with his hands almost desperately, he looks up at you, giving you a pleading glance, needing your help with this - begging you to forget about how sad and disappointed you are feeling at him now as well, so you can help him solve this problem with your daughter now. 

With a tired sigh, you give in. 

- Grace, look at your father - you say. Still, nothing. You know she is as stubborn as you are, but you absolutely hate when she is acting up this way. - Grace. - you say more sternly, catching the girl’s attention as she slowly turns to look at him, now. 

Once Lewis’ eyes meet his child’s again, the pain in both of their chests connects, feeling it in the exact same intensity. Taking in the sight of his daughter’s tear stained face is the worst part of it all. 

- Bubs, please listen to daddy carefully. - he starts speaking, feeling his voice cracking a bit, laced with the million different emotions surrounding his body as well.  - You know how you and mummy are going to move to the new house that daddy got in Italy, right baby? I even showed you pictures of your new room and everything - he asks Grace, trying to give her a calm, light tone. The girl nods her head, not really in the mood to talk now.  - So, daddy needs to go because I am preparing everything so you can move there as fast as possible love, so we can spend every day together again. - the thought of having his family next to him all day, every day again, makes a small smile appear in the man’s face.  - But you are never home anymore. You can leave that house and come here! And you don’t want to play with me anymore. - the toddler finally speaks up, finding a perfectly reasonable solution for the problem. 

Lewis tries to get closer to the little girl, his fingers gently touching her small hand, hoping she will give in a bit, so she can better understand what’s going on and hug him again in no time. 

- Princess, my favourite thing in this world is to play with you. Tea parties, riding our bikes, you painting my nails, watching ducks at the lake, you name it. My favourite time in this world is the time I get to spend by your side - he admits, being completely transparent as he looks right into the toddler’s eyes. - You know daddy loves you more than anything in this entire world, bubs. 

The three-year-old slowly nods her head ‘yes’. She does know that her dad loves her more than anything, but she is still hurt. 

- I promise everything will get easier, princess. I’m doing everything I can so we can be together everyday again really, really fast, okay? Please forgive me, my love. Daddy never wanted to hurt you - landing a small kiss on her cheek, his hands caress her hair as the little girl moves in your lap, stretching her small arms to hug her daddy. 

And once Lewis is able to hold his princess in his arms again, everything feels a bit more right, as if the toddler has the power to glue the pieces of his heart together. The only things that can be heard in the room are muffled ‘I love you, bubs’, ‘I love you so much’, that Lewis keeps whispering to his daughter, to which Grace quietly replies ‘I love you too, daddy’. 

Today, there were no tea parties, the kid didn’t paint her dad’s nails, they didn’t go to see the ducks at the lake. Instead, they ate the toddler’s favourite breakfast together, at home, and decided to just spend the entire day cuddling on the sofa, enjoying the time together as a family, playing some small games, singing songs, dancing in the middle of the living room, to an extent that loud giggles would erupt through the walls.

After dinner, the air grows heavy again, as the three of you know that the day

is coming to an end, and that Lewis won’t be home again once you and your daughter wake up. 

The man carries Grace safely in his arms, her tiny limbs strongly wrapped around his neck as well, as they reach the toddler’s bedroom. Now, you decided to let them have this moment to themselves, waiting downstairs for your husband to come back. 

Tucking his princess in bed as he usually does, the biggest kiss lands on the little girl’s forehead, ready to scare all monsters away, so she can have the most peaceful of sleeps, with the sweetest of dreams. 

- Have a nice night of sleep, my love - Lewis says, trying not to show how this goodbye is killing him, playing it off with a smile. 

However, he notices the kid’s big chocolate eyes looking up at him attentively. 

- Please come back fast, daddy. I feel so cold without you. And mummy misses you too - the toddler whispers, almost on the verge of crying again. 

Lewis needs to swallow the lump forming in his throat again, staying silent for a second as he takes in his daughter’s words. 

- I promise I’ll be fast, bubs. You’ll be in your new room, in our new house, in no time. I promise - he shows her his pinky finger, knowing how serious Gracie takes pinky promises. 

The fact that her daddy is pinky promising her that they will be together again soon, makes a sparkle appear in the girl’s eyes, as she wraps her own pinky around his. 

- I love you so, so much, princess. More than anything in this world. Never doubt that - he insists, kissing her forehead again before giving her another bear hug.  - I love you too, daddy. And please make sure that my new bedroom has the right shade of pink in the walls - the three-year-old jokes, lightening the mood as her dad gets up from her bed.  - I will, baby. I will - he giggles lightly, before blowing one last kiss to his biggest reason to live, closing the door behind him. 

Lewis takes a moment before coming downstairs again, wiping away some of the tears that escaped his eyes. Saying goodbye to little Gracie is always the hardest, and definitely the worst part. 

Finally meeting you in the living room, the man completely breaks down as you engulf him in your arms, noticing how much of a wreck he is. You let him cry in your arms, staying silent as he apologizes over and over again to you. For not being home as much, for not having many days off of work, for failing you when you need him the most. 

At this moment, he starts thinking that maybe you were right all along. He should have slowed down already, he should have left F1 behind, dedicating himself to his other projects and especially to his family, which needs him so much. But he couldn’t say no to the opportunity of joining Ferrari, putting his dreams in front of everything else. 

This might only be temporary, until you and Grace finally meet him in Italy, but you are sure that you can’t keep up doing this for much longer, now. 

- Things can’t continue like this, Lewis - you tell him, hot tears sliding down your cheeks as well, now.  - I know, love. I know. I’m sorry, I promise I’ll make everything right. In a blink of an eye, the three of us will be together in our new home, baby. Please, just be a little more patient with me - he begs, his arms wrapping tighter around your silhouette as he voices his pleads. 

You sigh. You know you will end up giving in, but you can only take so much, and now, there’s not a day that you aren’t concerned about the future of your family. 

- Just don’t let this sport break you, baby. Don’t let them take you from us. We need you so, so much - you confess, seeing Lewis nod as his tears match yours, holding you in his chest as you mourn the time you had for each other. 

Before he has to leave, he makes sure to cuddle you extra close in bed, your words echoing in his mind to the point where he feels like he could drown in them, dying in your arms as you fall into a peaceful sleep in his chest, almost as if he will still be by your side once you wake up. 

But you know he will leave during the night. And so, while you have the privilege to fall asleep in his chest, you trick your mind to dream about him, so you can have him twice, making sure that, one way or another, he will still be with you once you wake up in the morning. 

In your absence, everything is suspended for Lewis. Your husband is so addicted to seeing you, that he just daydreams about your figure being right by his side, inventing you everywhere, feeding the void that the distance insists in creating between him and his family.

He hates it, he really does. But unfortunately, there’s nothing he can do right now. He wishes he could make a call and cancel all his responsibilities for the rest of the week, spending all day by his girls’ side. But he can’t. And right now, he can only pray for you to be even more patient, until the day you are together again, in your new house.

Tucking you in bed with a forehead kiss, the man leaves your shared room, feeling all the weight coming back to his shoulders as he picks up his bag, leaving his happiness behind as he travels back to his job, leaving his heart behind, in his home in the human shapes of you and Gracie, wanting to be right where his family is. 

[copperbadge]

hi sam - I feel a bit bad asking this, but I'm also a prospect researcher (your post on it about a decade ago is how I found out about the field! and now I'm in a job I love, doing deeply weird research, so, uh, thank you!!), but don't suppose you have any tips on keeping up with... doing research, basically, while also not going insane from 'oh god, The News™'? I'm not in the US, but I do have to keep up with your news (for prospects and just. generally) so. any advice?

Hey, that's awesome, I'm so glad to hear I helped someone find a calling! But you shouldn't feel bad about asking this, it shows both a concern for your mental health and a willingness to consult your colleagues.

I don't monitor nearly as much news as I used to, because I'm in a very specific healthcare niche and honestly as a shop of one there are better uses for my time. That said, when I was in a much bigger shop we did a lot of news monitoring and for a while I was part of the team that assembled that news for broader consumption, not to mention of course that I was occasionally researching public/political figures. I still do, but they're not generally as active as previously, so I've never had to do the kind of work you're doing in this specific hell moment in time.

I was chatting with a friend the other day who works in a very politically charged area of the nonprofit world, and she's had to set a work-life boundary that includes counting her work as activism. She does activism, essentially, eight hours a day, and so she's had to learn to give herself a break when she's not at work. That's going to look a little different for you than for her but I would try to do something similar -- recognize that there isn't much you can do about The News, so all you have to do is report it, and recognize that since your job basically forces you to look at The News for a certain amount of time each day, make that the only time you're doing it. Treat it like it really is just a job -- or even like you're reading reports from an alternate universe. This news is work, not news, and once you're done for the day (or the week) it's not something you need to look at again.

If you don't deal with politics or news or similar for your work on a daily basis it's a lot easier to engage with it as and when you choose in your personal life, so if you DO have to deal with those things without the option to disengage, then you need to make sure that the rest of your life makes up for that. Give yourself permission not to know everything about every current event; give yourself permission not to look at the news or engage in activism outside of work if you need to. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

And, perhaps, keep an eye on how you're coping with doing it for work, and if you're not coping well, reach out. Ask your boss if there is a way you could occasionally hand this duty off, or if there's a way to reduce the amount you have to do, because it's rough on your mental health. Or, if you think your boss wouldn't be sympathetic, perhaps try to find your own workarounds -- set a time limit per day, or speak to a colleague about helping out. It really depends on what your options are, but I do encourage you to recognize that this is a difficult task and that you may need help with it -- before it becomes so difficult that it's a problem.

Good luck. It really is rough out there, I know.

[pinksobg]

This or that job/opportunity?

Hello guys! Welcome to this big pick a card. The main idea is to think about 2 different jobs/opportunities and for each one you will choose a different pile/letter. Each one will tell a different energy. I hope it is good for reflection. If you have just one job/opportunity in mind you can also choose your pile, no problem. :)

A. B. C.

D. E. F.

G. H. I.

Little disclaimer: Only for reflection. Take with a grain of salt and what makes sense to you. I hope it's good and can resonate with you. If it doesn't resonate, it's also okay. Take care. Cheering for your journey! 🩷🌷

A. ❤️

1. Is this job/opportunity good for pile A? According to the cards, it’s not the best opportunity.

2. What is the main difficulty of this job/opportunity? Blockage of creative energy and action.

3. What is the main positive point? "I was looking for a job and then I found the job."

I’m sorry that the reading is not the most positive, pile A. Remember that energies are mutable, and the most important thing is how you feel about this opportunity and concrete evidence if the opportunity is bad or good. Good luck on your journey! 🩷🌷 Rooting for you.

Cards: The Moon Rx, Ace of Wands Reversed, 10 of Swords.

Song: Maniac - VIVIZ.

---

B. ❤️

1. Is this job/opportunity good for pile B? According to the cards, it may be a challenging path, but with the necessary patience, it can bear good fruits.

2. What is the main difficulty of this job/opportunity? The main difficulty might be a tough decision between staying in something that no longer satisfies you (8 of Cups) or making an important decision that requires great inner alignment (The Lovers). It can indicate a dilemma between moving forward or staying in what is comfortable but unsatisfying. This difficulty may involve the struggle between clinging to the familiar and the fear of stepping into something new that brings more growth or authenticity.

3. What is the main positive point? The main strength of this job may be the opportunity to face challenges and stand out with courage and determination (7 of Wands), while also applying inner strength, emotional and mental, to handle situations in a balanced and confident way (Strength). Together, these cards suggest that the job may be demanding, but it offers many opportunities for growth and to show resilience, overcoming obstacles with confidence and self-mastery.

Cards: 3 of Swords, 7 of Pentacles, The Lovers, 8 of Cups, 7 of Wands, Strength. 🩷🌷

Song: Cruel Summer - Taylor Swift.

---

C. ❤️

1. Is this job/opportunity good for pile C? According to the cards, someone with determination can do well.

2. What is the main difficulty of this job/opportunity? It might be a more solitary job or one that requires long hours.

3. What is the main positive point? Surprisingly, you will have the opportunity to heal old wounds/beliefs that no longer serve you in the process of dedication. The cards indicate that you will feel more confident over time.

Cards: 9 of Wands, Hermit, 10 of Swords. 🩷🌷

Song: Armageddon - aespa.

---

D. ❤️

1. Is this job/opportunity good for pile D? Good! Your masculine energy will prevail. It could be a strategic, logical, or leadership position.

2. What is the main difficulty of this job/opportunity? Perhaps your feminine side could be a little overshadowed in this job, but I believe it won’t hinder you in the long run. The advice is to keep taking care of yourself for your well-being.

3. What is the main positive point? Perhaps the pay will be good. It’s good for moving life forward, flow of energy, and even positive karma coming. Overall, this is a very positive pile in my opinion.

Cards: Emperor, Empress Reversed, Judgment. 🩷🌷

Song: Bop Bop! - VIVIZ.

---

E. ❤️

1. Is this job/opportunity good for pile E? According to the cards, yes. A great opportunity for growth, especially in your mental area.

2. What is the main difficulty of this job/opportunity? It seems like a pile that will deal a lot with people, so remember to take care of your well-being too.

3. What is the main positive point? According to the cards, good contacts, collaboration. You might even make some friends. 🩷🌷

Cards: Page of Swords Sideways, Empress, 4 of Cups.

Song: Hype Boy - New Jeans.

---

F. ❤️

1. Is this job/opportunity good for pile F? Yes. With the Magician, I believe there won’t be major difficulties. The job/opportunity seems very well aligned with your qualities and skills.

2. What is the main difficulty of this job/opportunity? The job may have high demand, requiring patience and flexibility.

3. What is the main positive point? The positive point might be the freedom of expression and the ability to handle situations flexibly. In some ways, you will be able to relax in your skills and qualities, without the need for an overly controlled posture if you already naturally fit into your role. Does that make sense, pile F? 🌷🩷

Cards: Magician, Knight of Pentacles, King of Swords Reversed.

Songs: Dash - NMIXX. (It’s impressive how the song I’m listening to right now resonates 😅). Antifragile - LE SSERAFIM.

---

G. ❤️

1. Is this job/opportunity good for pile G? Yes. It seems very authentic.

2. What is the main difficulty of this job/opportunity? Interesting... nostalgia for something?

3. What is the main positive point? Working on something you enjoy, positive movement.

Cards: King of Wands Rx, The World, 6 of Cups, 2 of Wands Rx, Knight of Cups. 🩷🌷

"The fireworks bloom and the moonlight is full. We can dance in this moon night again (come with me). Raise your glass and have a future. My life is waiting for you, yes you. She smiles at me in the mirror."

Song: Mago - GFRIEND.

---

H. ❤️

1. Is this job/opportunity good for pile H? Yes. According to the cards, especially if you are starting, facing your fears, or trying to move on from a period of stagnation.

2. What is the main difficulty of this job/opportunity? It could be a job without major changes or monotony.

3. What is the main positive point? This job could be quite positive because it offers balanced energy, with an opportunity to grow practically. Also, harmony and the possibility of choices aligned with your values make the work environment more rewarding.

Cards: The Chariot, 8 of Swords Reversed, Death Reversed, The Lovers, 5 of Wands Reversed, Queen of Pentacles Sideways. 🩷🌷

Song: Shhh - Kiss of Life.

---

I. ❤️

1. Is this job/opportunity good for pile I? The job or opportunity has potential, but there are concerns and challenges to overcome. A sense of uncertainty or insecurity may be present, but it is something that can be worked through over time. It’s not necessarily a bad job, but it may require more effort to fully flourish.

2. What is the main difficulty of this job/opportunity? New perspective and breaking old patterns.

3. What is the main positive point? The combination of the cards indicates that you have the ability to reach a stage of emotional balance and self-care. This can be achieved through pragmatism and dedication, along with the inner strength to face challenges with courage and patience. These positive points suggest cultivating both emotional stability and inner strength. Does that make sense, pile I? 🩷🌷

Cards: 9 of Swords Sideways, Page of Pentacles Reversed, The Hanged Man, Queen of Cups, Queen of Pentacles, Strength.

Song: Knock - Lee Chae Yeon.

[katiekatdragon27]

Hey. Hey, guys. You'll never guess what I've been drawing.

Glisten: ...??

Glisten and his lame ass boyfriends!!!!!! Cheers to art dumps <3

[CW: SUGGESTIVE JOKE] More doodles below cut:

So! I know most of you come for the shinyshrimp stuff (WHICH WE WILL GET TO) but let me yap about Glisten and Razzle for a bit.

I LOVE YOU GLITTERMASK THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU GLITTERMASK-

Glisten and Razzle got together like 3 months after Glisten and Boxten broke up. Razzle never really looked to Glisten that much outside of acquaintances (cuz he was kinda sorta lowkey jealous of Glisten's charisma and stage-presence). In fact, they were much more focused on Vee and maybe possibly had a crush on her, which is really funny in hindsight with Dazzle lol. However, after learning that Vee was a lesbian/being very rudely rejected by her, Razzle found comfort in Glisten and fell head-over-heels almost immediately.

The only problem is, Razzle has -10000 aura. His ass cannot be flirty or cool-charismatic at all.

Glisten: What do you do when you aren't distracting? Razzle: (Glisten likes mysterious people) I sell drugs!! Glisten: ... Excuse me? Razzle: (But Glisten also likes kind people) But ONLY to kids in need! Dazzle: (STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP-) *defeated whimper*

Razzle thinks he's that guy (they're not, they're pathetic honestly lol)

Also like, Razzle is suuuper dense when it comes to everyone except Dazzle. They struggle with self-reflection and other-people reflection, so he is completely convinced he is doing all the right things, when in actuality, they are very very very cringe.

Razzle: No see Dazzie, this is why they call me Rizzle. Dazzle: (No one has EVER called you that.)

Denseness is one hell of a drug, aye, fellas?

Dazzle is being pulled through the wringer trying to preserve whatever was left of her (and Razzle's) pride. It's not working. Girl is fighting for their life every time she is dragged over by Razzle in order to say a horrible pick-up line to Glisten.

(This is all pre-relationship btw. After they get together it becomes an inside joke and Glisten retorts with his own awful (although not nearly as bad) pick-up lines)

Now the moment you've been waiting forrrr 🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

✨ Shinyshrimp ✨

I love them chat, I love them sm. They have so much drama and love and interesting things going on, they're so cool and fun n stuff and AUGHHHHH💥💥💥

Shrimpo being that one guy who craves affection but would literally bite anyone who gives it to him is so real to me. Homie wants a hug but ends up suplexing whoever hugged him outta reflex. Glisten, on the other hand, is one of the most affectionate people ever. He's not affectionate to everyone, but when you catch his interest (both platonic and romantic), he is very verbally and physically affectionate. He'll buy you things, he'll give you hugs, he'll let you invade his personal space, all stuff he would never let normies do.

Shrimpo loves this, however, homie has no idea how to deal with any kind of affection in a positive way. Cat-coded ahh guy. Glisten does find this amusing tho, so he's more inclined to be affectionate with Shrimpo to help him "get over it" in a way.

This is just for shits and giggles. I feel like everyone should draw this meme with their ships. It's a canon event at this point.

What can I say? He was hungry.

Can't forget my fankids. I love my fankids. I miss my fankids. I need to draw my fankids more istg I need to revamp their ask blog soon (especially with some new editions coming soon).

Also Hamlet looks smaller because most of his internal structure is made of ribbon and stuffing, so he shrinks into a ball when happy. He also loafs like a cat, what a guy.

Also also also what the skibidi sigma happened to my prep-jock ship?? Why is it backwards???

I drew these because I had a vision of the little doodle below and only thought it would work if they were swaped... sooooo... here we are.

Scapmi is a preppy goth-ish shrimp with an eye for fashion and artistry. With a smart mouth and a massive ego, he often comes off as an annoyance to others. He loves to be front and center in everything but often has to fight with his internalized idea that everything is a competition that he needs to win no matter what. It causes him a lot of stress and self-doubt, but he'd never let anyone see his weaknesses.

Gash is a shrap-toned violent mirror who speaks more with his fists than his voice. He hates everything that is not himself (and sweets) and makes sure people know that. He used to be a perfectionist, but after an accident permanently cracked his face, he dropped his "perfect" persona in favor of a messy, more hateful one. He wants connection but doesn't know how to express his needs in an understandable way, and that frustrates him immensely.

As you can see, match made in heaven.

Gash: DUDE, WHAT THE F*CK!? Scampi: There's a smudge on you- Gash: I DON'T CARE! LET GO!! Scampi: Not 'til I'm done. (Your natural blush is gorgeous; shame it's on you tho)

So yeah, swap shinyshrimp lore drop yippee.

Have a good one chat, til I reappear again✌️✌️

[vanillebunny]

Heyyy I saw you’re taking request so here’s a fun one! Can I request a hurt/comfort Thanos x reader post games fic? A soft reunión if you will! Obviously an AU where either the X votes win OR where Thanos actually survives his supposed death and gets out. I’m thinking he and the reader got super close during the games but completed lost track of each other afterwards. And one day they just do happen to reunite ☺️

a/n: hi anon!! thank u so much for requesting!! i keep rewatching squid game js for thanos i have a problem

warnings: light drug use, mentions of addiction, i think thats it but please tell me if i missed something!

you don't know how you got into this mess, how you managed to get into a deal so bad that it put you in deep debt. which brought you here, with all these people. in green tracksuits, all of them reduced to a number rather than a name

'it's okay, i'll play a few games, get my money and finally get back to my life' you think to yourself, fiddling with the sleeves of your jacket as you look around nervously. you don't know what this was, some form of pyramid scheme--gambling den? whatever it was, it didn't exactly bring ease to your mind

you're startled by the sudden sound of someone behind you, tapping your shoulder. you look back and see a man with purple hair, smiling like an idiot. you furrow your eyebrows, who the hell was this guy?

"seniorita excuse me" he says and smirks, "couldn't help but see you over here, all nervous--please, i know i'm too hot to handle but im sure.." he trails off and looks over you once, twice, before looking back at your face, "you can handle it" he says and you raise your eyebrows, repulsed by his actions. you back away

"who the hell are you?" you say, grossed out by this clearly overly confident guy

"im a legend!" he says and makes a little pose with his hands, "thanos." he says and wiggles his fingers, showing off the different colors of each nails

"thanos?" you scoff, "as in...that guy from the movies?" you say and he nods, wiggling his fingers even more to really emphasize the so called infinity stone colored nails

"don't worry seniorita! i have all the power in the world to protect you from these demons!" he says and surrounds you, looking at the people around you exaggeratedly, all of whom don't even spare him a second glance, clearly busy with their own problems

"uh...yeah thanks. im okay" you say and begin to walk away, to the crowd where everyone was listening to the instructions and such.

soon, you were all in the large sandy field, spreading out to begin the game. red light, green light they said. all of this just seemed...too easy. there has to be some catch, there's no way you play some child's game and walk out with billions of won

when you go around and take your place, you can hear running, and you look behind you to see none other than that same purple haired freak that was desperately trying to reach you. you roll your eyes and turn away but he was quick to get beside you

"phew! thought i wasn't gonna get to you in time" he says, as if it you two planned to be playing together or something, "don't worry, we'll play these games together--then you, me, billions of won in our hands. you think our kids would be proud of their appa for protecting their eomma and making sure she wins too?" he says and you just raise a brow, huh?

"who said we're playing together?" you say and begin to move away but to your luck, the game begins, and you have no choice but to stay frozen in place. where, thanos was right beside you, smiling triumphantly at the fact that you were still here

as the game begins, the players all seem to be moving calmly, nobody had lost till now. and it was all very relaxed, huh, maybe this wasn't as bad as you thought

but your relaxation went as quickly as it had come. a woman, not too far ahead of you, had a bee fly on her neck. a man beside her informed her about it and she--like any other person, panicked and moved, making her the first loser.

like in any other game, if someone lost they leave the game. so everyone expected her to just walk out, but as soon as she moved, a loud shot was heard. and you froze, the sight of her, falling to the ground--bullet to her head with blood already beginning to pool, you panicked.

what the hell was this? you knew this wasn't right! you knew there was a catch--but this? your heart raced, barely able to hear anyone with you. you watched helplessly as people began running and screaming, each one who moves an inch dies instantly by the shots firing from the sky.

you ran with every inch of strength you had, and just as the giant robotic doll stopped singing, you stopped. a tear streaming down your cheek, but you were too slow to realize--you were about to fall right when she turns her head.

you closed your eyes, accepting your fate. but somehow, you feel yourself still. you open your eyes, your chest heaving, you look down, seeing a pair of feet right beside you, probably the person holding you up

"don't move...okay? i got you" you hear the person say and you instantly know who it is, the same purple haired weirdo that had been trying to flirt with you earlier. his voice is...different though. it's not as cocky as it was before, you could hear a slight tremor, he's probably just as scared as you are

"th...thank you" you whisper out with tears streaming down your cheeks, the two of you continued on. holding on to each other as the game kept going, as soon as you finally reached the finish line, you hugged him tightly.

"thank you...thank you so much" you cry softly, so grateful. you thought he was just another guy that would probably let you die if it meant he wins, but to your surprise he wasnt.

he was a bit taken back by the sudden hug, but hugged you back. "i told you ill make sure you win too didn't i?" he says and you two pull away, and you smile half heartedly. annoyed by the reminder of his remark earlier, but still grateful. "i think it would be...kind of a bad story if i tell our kids i let their eomma die" he says and you shake your head, annoyed

soon, everyone was sitting in the room silently. not a single person was speaking, everyone was quiet. processing what they had just been through. you could see everyone had splashes of blood on them, probably from the people that have been shot around them. you sat alone, till you see thanos come and sit beside you

he's definitely not as scared as he was before, more hyper and aware of things. you could see him unable to sit still, sitting beside you while singing something to himself. he looks at you and grins, "im a kind man! ill share" he says and opens his cross necklace, which was fully supplied with candy. clearly not just any candy and probably the thing making him so hyper

you raise a brow and shake your head, you've been on that road before, it's what got you here. you'd rather not. "thank you...no. not again..." you mutter the last part to yourself, and he slows down his movements, noticing the distant look on your face.

"you try?" he says and you just nod, more to yourself than him.

"you don't wanna get too hopped up on that stuff...it's..not pretty" you say and he instantly closes his necklace, and kind of...just looks ahead, thinking.

soon, the guards come and everyone panics, some people crying and begging for them to spare their life. but the guards just stand there, trying to explain that that's not what's happening. one of the players, 456, suggests the idea that there should be a vote. you look at thanos for a moment

"are you...staying?" you say and he just nods, "i need to! im a legend yknow, this stuff is easy! can't go without my money" he says and you just look down. but he quiets down, "uh...are you?"

you quickly shake your head, "no--no i just...i want to go home." you say and get up to get in line for the vote, and he just follows you.

you vote for x, and go with the group, people cheering for you. thanos was right after you, and you can see him hesitate for a moment. his friend, can be heard telling him to keep playing. but he glances at you, just for a second, and presses x.

why would he do that? but he was in debt, he needs it way more than you do

after that, you woke up in the street. it was all a quick blur, as soon as the votes were counted up. the x votes more than the o. everything fades and you were alone in the street, tied up loosely with your clothes in a pile beside you. you managed to knaw the rope loose, and untied your legs, getting dressed.

the days went by quickly. you don't know what you were doing, but something just felt...wrong. not the games of course, never that. you'd rather die than play them again...but you die in the games too so its not really a good analogy. but anyway, it was just something. you were back on your own, without anyone, as it always was.

and you never did mind. you were used to it, so why was it...so strange now? so wrong?

you roamed the streets of korea, just lost in a daze, not really wondering where you're going. till you reach the arcade that was in the alley, you walk in and bump into someone

"hey! don't you--" the person's voice quickly came to a halt when they looked at you, you looked at them. it was none other than thanos. thanos! you don't know why, or how--but that feeling you've been going through ever since you managed to get out of the games, it was completely gone now.

the two of you looked at each other for a long time, before he smiles. "seniorita! i thought i'd never see you again!" he smiles and jumps around like an idiot. you should be weirded out, leaving and saying you don't want to see this freak again. but you don't. you stay and actually smile back

"this is great! now i have a partner to play with, les gooo!" he says and drags you along with him into the arcade without even giving you a chance to respond. the two of you had spent that time together, playing games and it was actually fun. for the first time you were...enjoying yourself

soon, you were both some convenience store nearby, eating ramen and laughing about how you both suck so bad at playing.

after a while it had grown quiet, and you wanted to just ask.

"...why did you vote x...when we were in the games?" you say and he just kind of looks away for a moment before looking back at you

"well!" he begins, trying to sound cocky, but you can tell he's just putting up a facade, "can't have the future eomma of my kids get hurt now, can i? to not be able...to go home" he says and just looks down, mixing in his ramen

you just look at him for a moment, its all so quiet. he was a freak, a weirdo when you met him. you said to yourself that this guy was clearly another junkie, some asshole thinking hes a big flirt. but right now...all you saw was just...thanos. hes just thanos.

"thank you thanos..." you say, just looking at him, and he stops mixing and looks at you, his cocky expression fading.

"choi su bong...my name...is choi su bong. thanos is just for...the ones i keep at a distance" he mutters and looks down, his hands--as if trying to reach for his cross necklace again, but you can hear him sigh when he realizes its not there

"did you lose it?" you ask and he shakes his head

"no...im not on that stuff anymore. well im trying at least." he says and you're surprised, you're pretty sure just a few days ago he was offering you a full stock.

"why's that?' you ask and he just looks back at you

"it's not pretty" he says, repeating your exact words. "well..still a long way to go but im starting" he says and nods to himself and you just smile

"you can do it...i know you can" you say and--mentally facepalm at what you're about to do, but you don't care that much. you hold up your hands and make the exact same pose he made to you when you were at the games, "you're a legend, thanos! this is easy" you say and he just chuckles at your attempt to imitate him

"yeah well i got you with me seniorita" he says softly, but quickly returns to his cocky expression, "im unstoppable now!"

you don't know what this was exactly. but whatever it is...you were happy with it

[darlingdaisyfarm]

Ngl, the last post about Fords grief and readers' resurrection involving bill. Had me thinking, and I know it's been a few minutes to an hour, but like, what if Ford built the reader back together like with bills help. Frankenstein ykkk

Anyway, kisses to the writer💋💋💋💋

wait... i like this one !!

tw: gore, body horror, unsettling imagery

Ford is a man of science before anything else. when he can’t fix something emotionally, he turns to intellect, to mechanics, to the physical work of repairing what’s broken. and when it comes to you, someone he loved deeply, someone he lost so suddenly, he cannot accept that you are gone, Ford refuses to. that’s not how he works. problems have solutions. everything is fixable.

it always starts with a very bad deal. a deal Ford once swore he’d never make again, but grief makes fools of us all.

“oh, sixer, my old pal, u know i love a good science experiment! you and me, back in the lab, building a whole new body for your dearly departed? talk about a fun little project!”

Ford hates him, he grits his teeth and tries to keep his face calm, he hates him with every cell in his body. but he hates this emptiness more. so he doesn’t protest and doesn't argue. just tightens his jaw and listens.

because there’s a way, Bill says. there’s always a way. but a body doesn’t just come from nowhere. a body needs parts.

and Ford has never been squeamish.

a sticky, congealing blood between his long fingers, crusting beneath his dirty nails. Ford doesn’t mind, he barely notices. there is so much to do, so much work.

it starts with the bones.

you were gone too long for preservation. what was left was ruined, unfit, wrong. so Ford makes new ones. it takes weeks of scavenging, collecting and constructing. some are yours, some are not. some are carved by his own hands, whittled down into the exact shape they should be.

Ford does not let himself think about where the others came from. he doesn't want to ask Bill, because Bill talks too much and says very dumb, not funny jokes.

"y’know, i gotta hand it to ya, sixer, most people don’t literally build their dream partner! or, uh— rebuild! ahaha!"

Stanford works by lamplight, shaping the ribs with the precision of a mad sculptor, measuring the length of your femurs against the sketches he’s made in his notes. he has so many notes. . . pages and pages of you, blueprints of who you were. what makes a person? what makes a mind? how does one recreate the intangible?

“trying to make them better this time, huh? aw, don’t look so guilty, i think the new jawline is an improvement!”

muscles next, Ford knows. sinew and tendon and ligaments pulled taut, stretched over frame, sewn and stitched. his hands are always slick, stinking, reeking of blood and chemicals and whatever this is that he’s doing. but he keeps talking to you. he doesn’t even notice when he starts.

“rhis will hold. ive reinforced the fibers, should be stronger than before. . . don’t worry, dear, i’ll be careful, i won’t hurt you.” you are not there. but he speaks as though you are, because it’s easier that way. “i love you”

“c’mon, doc, ya barely even flinched that time! i’d say you’re gettin’ used to this, but,” Bill leans in. “we both know you’ve always had a knack for butchery.”

Ford does not respond.

the limbs are harder. muscle grafts, nerve splicing, making sure the hands will still be warm when they hold his own. Ford works tirelessly. he stops counting the hours.

he talks to you while he works. “you always hated the cold,” he says, securing the connective tissue in your fingers. “i’ll make sure your circulation is strong, my love.“

and the face. the face is the worst, because it has to be perfect. it has to be you, it has to be right. so when the first few attempts aren’t, when the eyes are wrong, when the skin sags, when the expression is empty, he rips it apart and starts again.

“oooh, this is beautiful,” Bill coos. “y’know, i never took you for the sentimental type, IQ! you’re really putting your heart into this one!”

Ford does not respond, his hands and gloves are covered in blood and trembling, but he does not stop. because this is what he wanted. you are here. in pieces, yes, but pieces can be put back together.

skin is the hardest part.

it took him so long to get the consistency right. synthetic materials failed. grafts failed. he had to learn. he had to practice. but the color is still wrong, waxy, veins mapping out too blue beneath the surface. Ford swears under his breath. fucking shit. he brushes his thumb over your knuckles, watches the way the flesh gives. too soft, too artificial.

Ford does not cry, not when the stitches split. not when the first attempt collapses in on itself. not when your new skin sloughs off in sickly, wet ribbons and he has to start over again

but at some point, careful becomes desperate. methodical becomes messy. you are not coming together right

Ford's hands shake, he is muttering again. something is missing, something is wrong. your skin won’t knit properly, your chest cavity won’t close, your spine— your spine won’t—

Bill floats beside him. “what’s the problem, doc? run outta parts?”

Ford’s breath is too fast, his fingers twitch, vision blurry, but whether it’s from exhaustion or the copper stink of the lab, he doesn’t know.

“i—“ he chokes on the words. “i just need more.”

“say the word, Fordsy.”

“please, Bill, please.” when Ford blinks, there is more on the table.

Bill watches and laughs. “y’know, i’ve seen a lotta desperate guys do a lotta desperate things, but this? wowza! this one takes the cake! and you didn’t even ask what the price was!”

Ford’s hands tremble as he reattaches your arm for the third time.

"you think they'll want this, sixer? think they'll wanna wake up like this?”

Ford doesn’t answer. he keeps working.

it is days before he is done, Ford doesnt know what day it is, what month, what year. time exists only in the number of stitches, the weight of the scalpel, the way your stitched, reconstructed body lies motionless on the table.

you look like you. almost. almost.

Bill is staring at you. for once, he is not laughing.

“so, you want me to fire up the ol’ brain-box or what?”

Ford swallows. his throat is raw, lips cracked from dehydration, huge dark eye bags under his tired eyes. he just nods slowly.

Bill snaps his fingers. “one mind, comin’ riiiiight up!”

Ford is too desperate so he immediately reaches for your hand, for the warmth that should be there. the proof that this was the right choice, that he did not just ruin you. your fingers curl around his, but they are too strong in their grip. your eyes are unfocused, glassy

something is wrong.

[tayswife]

— written mine on my upper thigh

☆ glinda upland x elphaba thropp

☆ summary: glinda writes elphaba love notes while bored in class. it starts out innocent, until it becomes something that has elphaba squirming in her seat.

☆ warning: a whole lotta smut

☆ a/n: first time posting smut be nice im shyyy

"glinda, pay attention," elphaba whispered with a stern yet caring tone.

glinda sighed and pouted like an impatient child. "you don't care about my letter."

elphaba turned her head to the sad blonde that was really only faking her sadness to get elphaba to fold.

"glinda-"

"i wrote something really nice."

though out the entire class, glinda had been writing letters to her girlfriend beside her, simply because she was bored and wanting her attention.

elphaba sighed. she gave in quite quickly and opened the note. there were some doodles of hearts and such and then a tiny little paragraph written in cursive about how much she's loves her elphie and how pretty she thought she was.

elphaba would be sure to reciprocate it later but glinda was well aware that during class, her girlfriend was much so locked into the lesson.

glinda knew elphaba wasn't going to open another letter that she threw her way, so this time she wrote it on a bright pink sticky note in big bold letters reading, i need you so bad elphie.

glinda was a woman that said what she wanted straight up and got it. she was a spoiled girl and wasn't shy to say what's on her mind.

elphaba looked down and almost choked on her own dry mouth. the professor looked over at the witch and questioned her, "is there a problem, miss elphaba?" he asked seriously.

"no. sorry, dr dillamond."

the goat continued on with his lesson and elphie gave her girlfriend a serious look that told her she better stop or the consequences wouldn't be very lovely. glinda tried to suppress her laugh behind her hand as everything went down.

but she didn't stop there.

glinda let some minutes go by before she picked up her glittery pink pen and started writing again.

"i was aching for you all morning. thinking about your long fingers inside of me."

elphaba's breath hitched at this particular one and glinda just smirked at her. though, to glinda's dismay, elphie still ignored it. she'd give glinda all the attention she wanted later tonight but right now she had to focus.

however, it began to become hard for elphaba to pay attention to her professors words when there was a throbbing sensation just where glinda was trying to spark it.

as if glinda could read her mind, she placed her hand on elphaba's thigh, making the witch twitch at her touch.

"glinda..."

"shh, pay attention elphie," the blonde whispered, smirking at her with a mischievous glint in her eyes. she was up to no good.

elphaba listened. she payed attention. or at least, she pretended to so no wandering eyes would suspect anything. seconds passed by, glinda's hand slid further, and further, up elphaba's thigh until her fingers, ever so lightly, brushed against her center under her dress.

elphaba jumped out of her seat. everyone, including dr dillamond, looked at her with confused faces, only making her look more like an outcast and a freak than they already made her feel. she needed to play it up, to make an excuse for her sudden burst.

"dr dillamond, glinda's not feeling well. may i help her to the nurse?"

at her name being spoken, glinda stood right up, trying to force down her laugh as to not blow cover. "yes,” glinda said hoarsely and then fake coughed, "very very sick."

neither of them knew if anyone believed them, but their professor excused them for the day. frankly, he was probably just sick of dealing with their antics.

glinda skips down the hallway towards her and elphaba’s dorm with a bright smile on her face that would make anyone who saw her believe that she had just won the lottery or something of the sort. elphie speedily walked in suit behind her, trying her hardest to look mad at the blonde girl. she wasn’t great at acting like that anymore though.

“glinda,” elphaba said and the blonde finally stopped and turned towards her once they made it to their dorm. she put her back up against their door, leaning all her body weight against it, still looking as happy as a clam. “you’re ridiculous.”

“mhm kiss me,” glinda demanded, but didn’t give her a chance because she grabbed elphie by her shirt, pulling her closer and began to make out with her.

elphaba let herself get swept away, feeling drunk on the sweet flavor of glinda’s lips. she pulled away when clarity rushed back to her head. “not in the hallway for everyone to see.”

glinda rolled her eyes, “let them see,” glinda says carelessly. then she puts her mouth near elphaba’s ear and whispers, “let them see how horny you make me.”

elphaba nearly chokes as her throat suddenly feels dry. her face feels flushed and burning. she grabs glinda’s hand, moves her out of the ways and then pulls her into their dorm once she gets the door open.

there’s no time to spare. it feels like there’s some clock ticking down the time for both girls to get a release. elphaba’s the one to pull her into a kiss this time. they both move backwards as their lips combine into one.

glinda’s the one to start unzipping elphaba’s dress and then the green witch follows in suit to glinda. they pull away for a moment and let their dresses fall to the ground, leaving them both in a bra and panties.

they connect again. everything’s so hastily. and somewhere in between, they fall onto the bed. elphaba’s first and then glinda’s right on top of her, straddling her girlfriend.

“i need you to touch me. somewhere. anywhere,” glinda says needily, making direct eye contact with elphaba as she unclasp her own bra. she reveals her perky breast’s in her girlfriends face, implying that she needs to do something to her.

glinda leans back down to kiss the green lips and elphaba reached her hand up glinda’s body to squeeze her boobs, her thumb brushing over her rosy erect nipple which releases of string of moans out of glinda’s mouth.

“i can’t wait long,” glinda says, but her words seem to only come out as a mere whisper, loosing the power in her voice with each second that she isn’t getting off on elphie.

instead of elphaba assuring her that she’d get right to it, she, instead, puts her fingertips at the waistband of glinda’s baby pink colored panties and drags them down her legs. glinda lifts each leg up and shrugs them off until she’s completely bare above her girlfriend.

“can you be good for me now,” elphaba asks, now that she has glinda exactly where they both wanted her.

“you’ll have to find out,” glinda teasingly says with her typical playfulness and then grabs elphaba’s hand and guides it down to her center, making direct eye contact with her girlfriend as her hand presses against her most sensitive part.

“you’re so wet,” elphaba points out. “all for me.”

“all for you,” glinda confirms, breathlessly, “i’ve been like this all morning thinking about you.”

“then we shouldn’t make you wait much longer, should we?” right as she says it, she shoves two fingers between glinda’s wet folds and immediately gets to work by rubbing her swollen clit.

glinda nearly chokes on her on saliva at the sudden unexpected feeling of pleasure. her hand grabs onto elphaba’s toned arm, digging her fingernails into green skin, yet not hard enough to hurt her girl. if she did, elphaba didn’t even notice it because she was too focused on making her girlfriend feel good.

“i need you inside of me, elphie,” glinda says, needing even more than what she was getting.

“spoiled girl,” just then, elphaba slowly slides two slender fingers into her lover. glinda gasps and her head collapses onto elphaba’s neck. and it’s something not even elphaba nor glinda could deny; that blonde witch is completely spoiled 24/7 by everyone but not as much as she is when she’s getting fucked by elphaba.

glinda starts riding her fingers, grinding her hips back and forth. elphaba feels her entire body start to burn when she does this. someone must’ve just thrown a bucket of water on her, she thinks, because it couldn’t be possible for someone to make her burn like this.

“elphie,” glinda whimpers, feeling tears prick at her eyes after waiting so long for this sensation.

“i know,” elphaba coos. she takes her free hand and lightly scratched glinda’s back with it, making the blonde witch almost be sent over the edge.

glinda was extremely touchy with elphaba at all times and so whenever they were making love, glinda needed elphaba to be having some type of external contact with her whether that be hand holding, back scratching, or just running her fingers through her hair.

elphaba moved her thumb so she was simultaneously rubbing glinda’s clit while her two of her fingers pumped in and out of her.

“elphie, i’m so close,” she cried out, words muffled into elphaba’s neck.

“what do you need?” elphaba gently asked, despite how playful they both were just moments ago.

“my neck,” glinda said, “kiss it please.” she sounded so desperate as if elphie wouldn’t have done it. but she did. and her soft lips against her sensitive flesh was enough to finally push glinda over the edge.

“elphie!” glinda cried, louder than a boom of thunder. her body twitched and jerked harder onto elphaba’s hand.

“i’ve got you,” elphaba said in between kisses.

glinda rode her high, her eyes rolling back and she thought she saw oz for a moment. her body eventually stilled when the feeling of pleasure had washed away. her body laid lifeless on top of her girlfriend. her body burning hot and her chest rapidly moving up and down.

“are you okay, my sweet?” elphaba asked like always, even with the knowledge that her girl just needed to recover for a moment.

“mhm” glinda nodded against her neck.

they laid there for a few moments, one of elphaba’s hands scratching glinda’s back and the other still inside of her hence her being too sensitive to remove it just yet.

“you’re so pretty,” elphaba whispers to her girl, drawing a heart on glinda’s bare back with the tip of her nail. she kisses her pink-tinted cheek and it makes glinda blush and smile into her. elphaba can’t see her face, but she can feel her lips turn upwards against her neck, causing her to shiver. “can i take my fingers out, are you alright?”

“yes,” glinda says, and lets her eyes flutter shut as her girlfriend, very slowly, slides her fingers out, careful not to hurt her girl. elphaba then wipes her fingers against the sheets that they’re going to have to wash after anyways.

glinda, still not being finished with their activities, starts kissing elphaba’s neck in order to wordlessly let her know of that. elphie quickly catches on and lets out a content sigh at the feeling of buttery soft lips doing their work against her neck.

elphaba then grabs glinda by the waist and gently flips her over so glinda’s on the bottom now. glinda looks up at her with a soft smile and big lusty eyes. elphaba slithers down her body and leaves a couple of kisses on glinda’s tummy leading down to her core.

“mm your lips are so soft,” glinda says. she always says it but especially now; they feel like a soft melody against her throbbing skin. “i wanna feel them on me.”

“on where?” elphaba knows exactly where but she wants to push glinda just like she pushed elphie in class.

“elphie,” glinda whined in a displeased way.

“tell me where.” the witch raised an eyebrow at her, green eyes locked on her needy girlfriends face.

“elphaba thropp,” she sighed, but quickly realized she wasn’t going to get her way this time without using her words. “i need to feel your lips around my clit elphie, please. need it so bad.”

elphaba truly loved how, even after orgasming, glinda was still so needy for her. she never thought anyone would look at her in this light. let alone the pretty, blonde, popular girl.

finally, elphaba got to work. she started out by kissing glinda’s inner thighs that were slick with her own juices. taking her time on each one as to make glinda feel as loved as possible, and also as a way to work her up.

“i love you,” elphie says before going towards the main attraction.

glinda says it right back effortlessly and then elphaba reaches up and holds glinda’s hand.

elphie started off by sliding her tongue through glinda’s slit a couple of times to lap up her previous orgasms remnants, getting the girl to moan and twitch even more than when she used her fingers. it soon turned into elphaba’s lips wrapped around her clit and her tongue making circular movements around it.

it didn’t take much for glinda to be nearing her climax on the second round. “elphie i’m close,” she whimpered, her legs closing around elphaba’s head. elphie pried her legs back open with her hand that wasn’t holding onto glinda’s.

elphaba looked up at glinda from between her legs, seeing her eyes tightly screwed shut and her face turning a shade of red.

“you’ve got to breathe,” elphaba stops for her moment to say. something glinda always forgot to do when elphaba fucks her like this.

“i can’t,” she said, breathlessly, yearning to feels those lips between her legs again.

“yes you can. focus on breathing, in and out, or you’ll never get there.”

when glinda finally took a breath, elphaba attached her lips to glinda’s clit again, sucking harder than the last time which nearly erupted a scream in glinda. she was thanking Oz that people were hardly in the dormitory during the middle of the day.

more strings of moans and whimpers passed glinda’s lips. her release had hit her quite faster than the first time. her eyes rolled back and her toes curled. every muscle in her body contracted and then released until she was laying there panting.

elphaba came back up so she was face to face with her girlfriend. her lips were wet and puffy and glinda couldn’t help but grab her neck and pull her down into a kiss. glinda moaned, tasting herself on elphaba’s lips.

“you taste so sweet,” elphie said and then kissed her once more, “that’s all you.”

“mm, i wanna taste you now,” she whispered with a little smile, because those words were only for her elphie and she couldn’t risk wandering ears to hear it.

with elphaba still hovering on top of her, glinda’s hand slid down her toned green tummy and past the waistband of her black panties. after all the teasing she did in class, the least she could do was get right to the main course instead of making her girlfriend wait much longer.

glinda’s fingertips were suddenly on elphaba’s throbbing clit, and it happened so fast that elphie’s body jerked forward when she felt it. she let out a gasp, causing glinda to smirk at her. she loves getting her to be a complete mess under her own doing. she loves seeing elphaba finally let go.

“glinda,” she whispers with pleasure laced through her words. she’s typically much quieter than glinda who would scream if she were given the chance.

“mhm. say it louder,” glinda pushes her and presses harder and faster against her clit. she can feel a pulsing against her fingertips. a flower waiting to bloom. a volcano awaiting its eruption. “i wanna hear you scream my name.”

the faster glinda goes, the louder elphaba’s voice gets. she gulped down the knot in her throat as she neared her edge, “fuck glinda! soclose”

glinda smirked and removed her fingers, not remembering the last time she’s heard elphaba curse. the more she thinks of it, she has never heard her use that word.

“not yet,” she says and elphie wants to go and quarrel with her but glinda speaks again before her, “i want you to sit on my face.”

elphaba’s eyes widen when glinda suggests the position they have yet to try. the way she says it makes her ache for her further.

“i don’t want to suffocate you.”

“elphaba thropp, take these off,” she says, referring to the panties that’s glinda is tugging at, “and sit. on. my. face. if that’s the way i go out then i don’t want it any other way,” glinda says with a sudden sternness.

elphaba’s lower belly pools with heat. she can feel herself getting wetter by the second. her words are lost somewhere in her throat. she nods, submitting to the blonde girl in a way she never thought she would just weeks ago.

glinda smiles when she gets her way, pulling the black piece of cotton down toned green legs until they’re somewhere across the room with the rest of their clothing.

glinda lays completely flat, tapping elphaba’s thigh with her pointer finger as a signal to get on her face. elphie crawls closer until her thighs are on either side of glinda’s head.

she hovers over her face and all the blonde witch wants to do is pull her down on top of her. as much as elphaba wants to do this, glinda can sense her hesitation.

“it’s okay,” glinda says sweetly, her demeanor completely changed, “how about i tap your leg if im not okay down here?” she says to ease her anxieties, knowing she won’t ever have to even do that.

elphaba nods, feeling much better about it. glinda grabs elphaba’s hips and pulls her down until her vulva is directly on her mouth. glinda slides her warm wet tongue inside of her and elphaba’s head collapses onto the headboard at the pleasurable sensation.

elphaba lets out quiet whines of ecstasy as glinda continues her ministration’s of her tongue. the blonde witch lightly holds onto elphie’s hips as she thrusts them back in forth to imitate the way her tongue moves.

“feels really good,” elphaba mumbles.

glinda then dips her tongue inside elphie’s wet heat once again, getting her to let out a moan that comes from deep within her throat.

“i’m close.”

glinda speeds it up, impatient to feel and taste her girl’s release in her mouth. elphie’s legs start shaking and closing in on glinda’s head, yet she still doesn’t tap elphaba’s thigh to signal suffocation. she loves the feeling on being smothered by elphaba’s heat.

glinda presses her tongue against elphaba’s clit one last time and that is what unexpectedly brings her to her climax.

“oh my—” elphaba fails to finish what she was saying, being completely taking over by the feeling of complete pleasure.

when she catches her breath, she lifts one of her legs up to give glinda some air and lays down beside her.

“told you i’d be fine,” glinda says and taps her freckles green nose. elphaba giggles at her cuteness. “more than fine. did you like that?”

“yeah, actually, i did,” she answers honestly.

glinda smiles, 90% because she was happy she made her girl feel good, and the other 10% because it was another i told you so moment.

glinda yawned and cuddled closer to her girlfriend. elphaba wrapped her arms around glinda’s body and the blonde girl gently kissed elphaba’s chest before resting her head there.

“i’m so sleepy,” glinda mumbles.

“it’s 2pm, glinda.”

“mm,” she mumbles and says something that is entirely incoherent.

elphaba looks down and realizes that her girlfriend is completely asleep in her arms. so much for the rest of the classes they had that afternoon.

though maybe, just this once, her studies didn’t matter much to her.

[shieldofiron]

For @intothedysphoria HAPPY birthday!!! Have a flight attendant Steve! Featuring Pepper!!

Steve had a problem.

He was just coming off of a three day turn, San Diego to Mexico City, then to Raleigh, back to San Diego. And he was still getting used to San Diego as home, blinking into the sunlight when he stepped out of the airport, a coffee clutched in his hands.

But that came with the job. No one wanted a flight attendant to be based out of Hawkins, Indiana. And he’d even been lucky enough to get hooked up with a crash pad to start him out.

Crash pads were apartments shared by other flight attendants and occasionally pilots when they first moved to a new city. Steve was still getting used to the new schedule, the last thing he thought he could deal with was signing a full on lease and figuring out pet sitting.

Because that was his problem. His six pound, love of his life problem. The problem that wasn’t coming to the door to greet him like she normally did. It made his heart ache, thinking that she now didn’t expect him to come home to her.

“Pepper?” He called.

Pepper chirped from the living room, poking her head around the corner into the hallway.

“Sorry. I was playing with her.”

And that was his other problem. Pilots were too handsome for their own good, and Billy was more handsome than many. In the uniform, he made Steve’s knees weak. But in sweats, holding a feather on a stick, Steve was about to collapse.

Steve looked down, blushing, and picked pepper up, nuzzling her little black nose. “Hey my sweet girl.”

Billy rubbed the back of his neck, looking up at Steve with those devastating blue eyes. “How was the trip?”

For a second it was almost like having a boyfriend. But Steve knew that wasn’t the case.

Oh they’d fucked. The first time in Chicago, like being on a trip made it less of a bad idea. And then a few more times. They didn’t like… talk. This was just temporary, like a crash pad if it was a relationship.

But lately…

Pepper chirped again when Steve set her down, happily trotting over to Billy and rubbing herself all over his legs.

“I can take your bags to your room.” Billy offered.

“No, I got it,” Steve muttered, following Pepper like he didn’t want to nuzzle Billy’s legs just the same. “Want a treat, Sweet Girl? Where are Chrissy and Heather?”

Billy shrugged a little. “Out on trips.”

Steve nodded, ignoring how Billy scooped Pepper off the counter with one hand, his muscles flexing nicely. Great. Now he was some kind of arm pervert.

It was part of what had made Billy so attractive as a roommate, the way he’d taken to helping out with her.

The only problem was now that they were fucking, it was starting to mess with Steve’s head. It was hard to fantasize about the mile high club (which he would never do because he knew how often the bathroooms were cleaned) when you kept getting interrupted by domestic fantasies of boyfriend cat naps with Pepper the Havana Brown.

Steve turned towards the little basket where he kept Pepper’s treats. And blinked.

“Did you replenish her treats?”

“Oh. Yeah. She was getting low.”

“You went out and bought her favorite treats? You can’t get them anywhere nearby?”

He turned and Billy was beet red. “Uh…”

“Do you want to go on a date? Tonight? With me?” Steve asked. “Romantically.”

Billy snorted. “I get the picture. Yes. Yes I do, Pretty Boy.”

Pepper trilled, hopping up on the counter and sitting by her treat container.

Steve shook his head. “Just us, Pep.”

“This time,” Billy said.

Steve could only smile at him. Problem solved.

[lissad27]

It's not a liberal or conservative take: it's an lord vs peasant take. The change is the studio saying: we know best, just listen. Don't fight for yourselves or what is right because you don't know what that is if we don't tell you.

This is why Andraste disappeared as well: she fought slavery. Raising an army, waging war? It's both an act of justice and vengeance. We can't have DA Lady-Jesus helping people...and teaching people to stand up for themselves. So the religion, her example, is bypassed and ignored. (And no the argument that this is "the North" doesn't hold water. They aren't as outwardly religious as the south, but that doesn't mean they aren't faithful or religious at all.)

This is also why the 'revolt' lead by Dorian and Mae fails: they cannot work within the system that hides the Venatori. Except that's what the games tells you to do. We have to work to change... Except history tells you: if you have one rotten apple you throw out the bushel because the rot seeps through.

French history tells us that you cannot have peaceful change when the people in charge don't want it. How do you fight the people who have all the power? You can't do it by writing a letter or joining a committee. Dorian wants to change - at a fundamental level - the Imperium. But he can't do that by sitting and trying to "work with" the very people he opposes. Bipartisanship, anyone?

The Montgomery Bus boycotts lasted over a year. And people were arrested, beaten, killed. It wasn't easy, but they persisted. Change - societal change - rarely comes fast or easy, and more often than not it comes in violence.

The message EA sent was one of obedience and obeyance to an authority. Rook's background (all of them) is: you tried to fight the injustice, and got in trouble. Know your place, don't do it that way. Go with Varric he can teach you to be good...which given who Varric is? Here's a guy with dodgy connections, even dodgier morals, and is an unreliable narrator/liar. He's supposed to teach you how to be good? Really?

Except he does - or rathe the complexity of Varric is reduced to good angel/moral compass. Even the nuance of Solas is reduced.

What we see with the games is a whitewashing of the internal history of the games: don't talk about slavery or racism. Or rather its discussed with an overall vagueness. Or its reduced to reductive thinking. Oh everyone knows that's bad...so why bring it up. In DAO you stop someone from stealing elves for slavery. It's a big deal. IN DA2, we meet Fenris - an escaped slave. By DAI ,there are discussions - because Dorian does realize his view of the subject is wrong. (Dorian's growth is one of the better parts of DAI.) But in DAV... yeah, we're in the imperium, but we don't see slaves except in that one quest. Its more of a yeah there are slaves...and we help them. Okay...

This is a nation built on slavery...and we don't see the evidence of that? At all? Nothing?

Nevermind that the Venatori's hold isn't broken at all... And Dorian's statement is "we were going to change Tevinter." Change it from what Dorian? Vague hand-waving?

To have effective change, you have to have full-throated acknowledgement of a problem. You cannot change US history to exclude slavery - or to say the slaves were better off (which I've seen). You cannot hand-wave terrible things away. And you can't say well, we've learned better. We're smarter than our ancestors.

As for the rampant racism in the previous games. No one wants to have the right to call anyone "knife-ears." I want an acknowledgement that it's still a problem though. To hear it - to have my character call someone out for it. Something. Because racism doesn't disappear at will. Hearing it makes people uncomfortable - and that's a good thing. Racism, bigotry, misogyny, transphobia should make people uncomfortable. Hiding it - pretending it doesn't exist - that leads to... Well, it's like pulling the covers over your ears to ignore all the bad in the world. It doesn't make them go away. Read the comics - Mae doesn't lose her seat because of the Lucerni thing, she loses it because she's trans.

What DAV does is absolution of all bad things in the past. Because it makes it easier for those who "know better" (in this case CEOs and tech bros) to show us peons (plebians/peasants) how things should work.

What the entire game is boiled down to is centrist, language policing propaganda. Propaganda to make you feel good about not having to make hard decisions. No, people aren't more "adult" for not having conflicts - real ones, real arguments. Adults have conflicts and arguments. Not benign politeness. The message becomes this bland sort of "let's all hold hands and get along." Alistair was joking, but the CEOs aren't.

Justice/Vengeance was just kind of the like, the over-arching theme for early dragon age and so the way that they just abruptly started scrubbing it from every aspect of the series and replacing it with other stuff is so crazy. like I'm joking about the "it's because they hated that blond freak" thing but genuinely what did happen. Did they just get scared.

[sapphiresaphics]

^^^———

This kinda stuff pisses me off because (again) you shouldn’t NEED to exaggerate things to be mad about it.

1. No one is saying it’s not lethal. ALL things can be lethal in excessive quantities and exposures. What we ARE saying is that the show does not SAY that it is lethal to breathe in, and in fact the show goes out of its way to show multiple people being able to handle the grey and deal with it in small doses. That’s important information you’re glossing over… the duration of the exposure.

2. Nowhere does Arcane say that people were dying en mass. The show DOES show that the grey presented an ongoing problem with continued exposure to the workers in the mines. This is reinforced multiple times, as both Vander and Silco worked in the mines and breathed the toxic air. The show presents what CAN happen to prolonged exposure… but the timeframe for exposure is left off the table. You DO NOT KNOW if that exposure is within minutes or years. Again: both Vander and Silco worked in the mines with the toxic gases and they ended up okay without fantasy cancer. So clearly the length of prolonged exposure MATTERS.

3. Yes, the gas made you choke and you struggled to breathe. That’s very clear. But the grey giving to cancer as a result? It is dependent on the person and their exposure. Not everyone who breathes it in will develop fantasy cancer as a result. If that were true, then Silco basically gave all the chem-barons fantasy cancer when he pulled his power play stunt back in Season 1. So once again, you guys are SPECULATING and you are INVENTING the severity based on information that isn’t entirely clear to us.

4. Case in point: Viktor. Skye and Viktor are shown playing in the toxic waters outside of a toxic cave. Skye didn’t develop fantasy cancer, but Viktor did. And part of that is likely due to the fact that his immune system was likely more compromised than Skye’s because of his being born crippled. Additionally, he spends a good chunk of his childhood feeding toxic plants to Rio with Singe in the toxic caves to create Shimmer. I have to suspect that that sort of exposure was NOT good for Viktor’s longterm health, wouldn’t you agree?

5. Once again you are using real life chemical warfare to hypothesize about a fantasy chemical and gas. The grey is not shown to spread much at all. Ekko repeatedly says that the air is denser down in the fissures and that results in the grey NOT behaving like normal gas. We see the gas almost snake its way into the buildings like a living thing. And we are shown that just outside of areas where a building is filled with the grey, it does NOT leak out.

This is important information because we are repeatedly shown that Caitlyn’s use of the grey is TACTICAL and STRATEGIC. She pumps it into specific targeted areas to clear the streets and incapacitate the chem barons and their goons. You cannot say that she “gassed the whole city” when the show GOES OUT OF ITS WAY to show that she is targeting SPECIFIC AREAS and that the grey DOES NOT dissipate and flow like normal gas.

So let’s recap what the SHOW presents to us:

The Grey is factory gas (man made) trapped underground. Exposure to the gas makes it very hard to breathe but not impossible. Many people in the show have been exposed to the gas for long periods of time and did not develop fantasy cancer. Everyone who is exposed to it in short bursts is seen recovering within minutes. The gas does not flow like normal gas and does not seem to seep out into the streets. When the grey is detected people DO NOT STAY AROUND it and leave (clear the streets) to avoid dealing with the adverse side effects. And the only person truly affected by the gasses in the fissures to the point that he’s slowly dying is a person who was born crippled and impaired and who willingly exposed himself to more of the danger than normal people did.

So when we look at it from this perspective, Caitlyn using the gas is still bad. She could potentially be hurting people long term, yes. But she’s also using it as a way to prevent more people from being hurt by a massive invasion and is actively using the grey in highly targeted areas. Zaun is MILES large, a single building on one side of the city getting pumped full of grey is not going to harm people miles away on the other side of the city. So this assertion that she “gassed the city” is just hyperbolic and misleading. We are even shown that they don’t even use it in the streets much if at all because they travel through the pipes pumping the grey in themselves.

You should be mad about Caitlyn using the grey. It’s a DIRTY TRICK to use it this way. Absolutely.

But you DON’T need to exaggerate the effects of it and make it seem like she’s fantasy Hitler gassing the city of Zaun like Auschwitz, you weirdos.

[gatheringbones]

[“In looking for a Vietnamese leader, American officials such as McNamara, Taylor, and Cabot Lodge looked merely for a general or prime minister with administrative skills and the political acumen to deal with the sects. They looked for a manager to run an organization already functioning. In their eyes the army and the civil service were functioning institutions. But they were deceived by their own creation, for army and administration were no more than shells: artificial, foreign-made shells encasing people who had not made them and who could not use them.

What the American officials could or would not realize was that the sects were less a part of the problem than an attempt at a solution — an inadequate one, perhaps, but nonetheless an attempt to deal with the chaos caused by the collapse of a traditional society. The problem for the Vietnamese soldiers and politicians was, then, not simply to rule but to create a system through which to create power and to begin ruling. The inability of the young officers to do anything of the sort owed not to their bad characters but to their background, their training, and to the situation in which they found themselves. Generals Khanh, Ky, and Thieu were, after all, professional soldiers. During the first Indochina War they had worked within a foreign army and served foreign ends. They were trained to fight, not to consider the issue of war as an extension of politics or diplomacy. Catapulted to power as a result of their capacity for petty infighting, they did not so much as understand the nature of their problem. Like their American advisers, they saw the war as a series of military engagements.

By contrast, Vo Nguyen Giap, a teacher and a political journalist by training, based all his militery strategy on an analysis of the political issues. Traditionally the Vietnamese feared and disdained professional soldiers, not out of any class or caste distinction, but out of the suspicion that they had not the moral or political authority to build up a government behind them. Occasionally the old warlords had managed to transform themselves into emperors or mandarins, but they had the traditional Confucian system to fall back upon. The Saigon generals faced the task of creating an entirely new way of life, a new civilization for the Vietnamese. Trained and for so long dominated by foreigners, they had perhaps less capacity to undertake it than anyone in Vietnam. They had some desire to defeat the Communists, but their desire did not constitute a political system. Unlike Ngo Dinh Diem, they had not even an unworkable system in mind; their anti-Communism was founded in a simple ambition to hold onto what they had, rather than give it up to the NLF.”]

frances fitzgerald, from fire in the lake: the vietnamese and the americans in vietnam, 1972

[khaoala]

Hi, sorry for making my problem your problem, but I'm feeling a little low for a variety of reasons, including the fact that, despite my best blocking skills, I still haven't been able to fully avoid the ppl throwing shade at KB/FK's impact (or lack thereof according to them) in THK (seriously, feels like I'm unwillingly stuck in an endless game of whac-a-mole just with bad takes/poor fandom etiquette!). So I thought I'd try and take my mind off it by sending you an extremely self-indulgent ask! As an FK fan extraordinaire (and one of my fave giffers btw), what are your:

favourite scenes from each of their shows?

favourite FK moments from real life?

hopes and dreams for THK finale?

hopes and dreams for the Holy Grail of FK shows? E.g. ideal plot or genre, relationship dynamic, supporting cast, director, etc.

And now for the harder questions! Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to convert an unbeliever into an FK stan (of them as both separate actors and as a pairing). You can only pick ONE scene from their entire repertoire for each category. Go!

best acting from First

best acting from Khao

best acting from FK as a pairing

best demonstration of FK's chemistry

best kiss (aesthetics+characterisation+emotion+context+whatever other criteria you choose!)

I eagerly await your answers! (but obvs you're under no obligation to respond - tbh, even just forming the ask has helped lighten my mood! Feel free to ignore or to throw it over to someone else if you'd rather, or even if there's anyone else you think would be interested in contributing - I just enjoy hearing other ppl's 'FK as Acteurs' highlights! Someone gushing about my faves = instant serotonin boost!)

In return (and as tribute to your new handle), I offer you this, imo, grossly overlooked example of Khao pulling his signature Khaoala move: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GhSzVQvX0AAm7mh?format=jpg&name=900x900 ...😉

i'm sorry about that, anon. curating your online bubble can be a lot of work and it's not always 100% and i'm sorry you're getting stressed bc of that. i'm not sure if you're going to the tags on either twitter or tumblr, but i'd recommend you stay away of those. twitter is a bit more difficult, but once you get your little bubble things get better but for tumblr, if you're just looking for pretty edits like the ones fandom provides, i'd recommend checking only the thkedit tag. it's a lot better than dealing with the trolls with poor fandom etiquette. i hope you find a space you feel more comfortable and welcomed, anon, i know i say this often, but fandom spaces are supposed to give you relief and not headaches.

you didn't even ask for advice and i'm already rambling, i'm so sorry, but to your questions which were such a delight to receive (you have no idea how happy i felt for being called a fk fan extraordinaire and to know i'm one of your favorite giffers. i love to know people like the things i do, it does wonders to my self-esteem).

ATTENTION!

this is a nearly 2000 words word-vomit reply where i talk in length about my favorite topic of the last couple of years, firstkhaotung. i'm sorry for not being able to be concise. pls have the picture the anon sent as their favorite khaoala moment which i must agree, is extremely underrated, as a form of apology.

1.favourite scenes from each of their shows? (i'll just pick the ones they were paired together bc you know, there's a lot)

the eclipse - akkayan's first kiss in akk's room. that scene is so important to them, and also to me. the way ayan was so careful with akk, he took his time, gave akk room to assess the situation, back away if he wanted to. how softly he spoke to akk and how scared akk was of all of that. that scene was beautiful beautiful beautiful and so well acted, too.

moonlight chicken - listen, i know they only have three scenes, but they are all very important to me, alright? with that being said, the scene in alan's office. alan is smiling like gaipa hung the stars in the sky with his bare hands and it's full sunshine mode, and first's smile is so beautiful, and he's flirty, gaipa is oblivious, it's just so sweet. they are healing and that's amazing.

only friends - the fight in sand's apartment. though the therapy scene is just as amazing, i feel like the apartment fight has so much impact. the way sand was collected the whole time and only allowed himself to break down once ray was out of earshot. and how ray was so distraught by the idea of the one person he thought he could trust betraying him, it was awful. it makes me teary to this day.

the heart killers - the scene at the beach in ep. 8. thank you first for adding a whole monologue to this scene. i can totally understand why that's his favorite. the tiredness, the desolation, they are both so exhausted and bison doesn't want to fight anymore and he's angry, but he loves kant, and kant doesn't want to lie to bison and wants him to know that. it's beautifully acted. i stayed on that scene for days. it made my heart hurt so good.

2. favourite FK moments from real life?

i have too many that i suddenly forgot as soon as i read this question, so at some point i might even add to this when i remember. but the one i can think about right now was when they were on arm's share for first's birthday and khaotung's wish for first in the upcoming year was: "as you grow, you might find more people, but if you do, let them go, stay only with me instead."

3. hopes and dreams for THK finale?

i do hope for a wedding. i didn't want a double wedding bc i find them so tacky, but with the recent talks with fadelstyle + style's dad, that might be where they are going IF they are even going to have one. as you might have noticed, i'm not stressed about the finale. i think they'll have time enough to access the most urgent matters (gay sex in prison) and with fadelbison spending their time locked up, they'll have all the room to live normal lives like they wished. bison talked about assassins not being able to have a home, family and a lover so i hope they get all of that and more.

4. hopes and dreams for the Holy Grail of FK shows? E.g. ideal plot or genre, relationship dynamic, supporting cast, director, etc.

oh man, i'd love for them to work with the women in gmm, first of all. and i know i had a talk about gl people hating men (with reason in some cases) but gmm loves to experiment with them, so pls let them act with namtanfilm (these four in a show would make my brain stupid happy). sarah pitched an idea that was very similar to the one i had in my head, though hers have first and film as siblings, but the premise would be the same. one trying to help the other approach their crushes. it's silly, slice of life, light comedy stuff which i know they can pull off just as well as the heavy drama stuff.

i'd also love to see them in a show a la sammon with the thriller and investigation vibes. but i'm no fanfic writer and i'm happy with most plots i'm given and if it's them, i know it'll be well-acted.

as for directors, p'aof is the pick for most bl stans, and i agree, i hope they get the chance to work with him again, and have fk as the mains this time. i'd love to see them work with p'nuchy as well, from not me, or the director of be my favorite and who's going to direct joongdunk's and skynani's shows this year. he's amazing, i loved what he did with be my favorite, and while i'm not sure if i'll tune in for either of these new shows, i know he'll do great.

(i love that you deemed this first questions as easy and these one as harder, because let me tell you, i had a hard time with both sets!

1.best acting from First

i can only talk about what i've seen, and despite hearing all the praises for his portrayal of a girl stuck in boy's body in the shipper, i didn't have the guts to watch it yet. i was debating between the "break-up" scene in front of yolo and this one, but i need to praise first as akk. while gmm was going their reprise of the eclipse last year, i took that chance to rewatch the show as well, and i can't believe first didn't get a nomination for his portrayal of akk. he's spectacular in his scenes as this hard-working, perfectionist, in-the-closet, slightly homicidal and self-destructive student prefect. the one scene that makes me stop for like five minutes every time is the one where thua exposes him as the curse and he cries in the stairs. and i know there are people who aren't fan of scenes that are heavy on the dramatics, but that scene alone is so sad and first manages to express that masterfully bc it's terrifying yes, but it also feels cathartic in a way bc there's no weight of that lie on him anymore, so he cries ans sobs and leans on aye for support. idk, it just stuck with me for such a long time.

2. best acting from Khao

ray was khao's best performance in my opinion, and while i agree with everyone who mentions his therapist scene (which was a masterpiece honestly, no one and i mean no one would be able to deliver that one other than him the way he did), i'll go with mew's birthday party. i remember watching the bts of that scene and force was speechless and said that was his favorite scene they had shot until then, and man, there's a reason for that. he ate that up! the pure anger and control of the scene he had. the room was full of people but everyone's eyes were on him, and ray was terrifying in that one. that's what i mean when i say khaotung might be shorter than most of his co-stars but he knows when to use his presence to appear actually menacing. ray on mew's birthday party was scary.

3. best acting from FK as a pairing

you said i have to convince a non believer to stan fk, so i'll use the scene where they reconcile in only friends, ep. 10, if i'm not mistaken bc when you have a scene that was a page or two long, and direction shortened shortened shortened it until it was only an "i'm sorry" and they acted so well that it was convincing enough to make you, the audience, fully believe in the sincerity of the apology and the love and regret that laced their hug, that's a skill. they acted their asses off in that scene and the only line of dialogue was an apology.

4. best demonstration of FK's chemistry

okay so for this one, i'll say every time they showed casual intimacy. i feel like it's so easy for them to ignore casual intimacy in shows, but especially as kantbison, fk showed so much of their chemistry in the little touches. they are a very physical couple and they are comfortable being in each other's embrace and it's beautiful to see that being portrayed. holding hands, worshiping each other's bodies, sniffing their hair, kissing their knuckles, just feeling each other close, that's when you felt they are actually each other's person, they are actually so into each other that even crawling under each other's skin wouldn't be enough.

5. best kiss (aesthetics + characterisation + emotion + context + whatever other criteria you choose!)

most beautiful kiss i always think about the smoke kiss in only friends just because the aesthetic of it was amazing. the build up to it was amazing, and hot and heavy with tension and it was so delicious. i scream every time they kiss for the first time in shows, but the smoke kiss left me with my jaw in the ground for several minutes.

alternatively, in thk, the beach kiss for how meaningful it was since it was their first kiss with no lies between them, and the swing kiss that was perfect, they were so into that kiss and it felt so earned, too. fk really knows how to kiss.

also, akkayan's bridge kiss in our skyy 2, never forget that kiss. they were into it and delivering like no one else. absolutely gorgeous.

and let's remember all the pecks, too, because i have a soft spot for all of them. kantbison, yet again, carrying it in the pecks department (did you guys notice that kantbison kissed every ep? it was amazing to see).

and i think this is it? i finally managed to answer everything. ngl, i answered your ask first before a couple others that are sitting on my inbox bc i feel you needed the pick me up and i love talking about firstkhao. this was very fun. thank you for sending me this, and i hope you feel better.